The summer going into eighth grade, I met a girl on Tumblr. She later ended up becoming an abusive, toxic friend. Her insults, belittlement, and mocking of my self harm addiction took a toll on me when I was thirteen. I ended our friendship and blocked her on every social media site possible, crossing my fingers that she wouldn’t come back. People began to notice my once lively, confident aura has dimmed into one of lesser enthusiasm.
She direct messaged me on Twitter my sophomore year of high school and asked for help battling her self harm issues. I told her that I wouldn’t be much of a help considering that I was still struggling, but I complied. She became increasingly controlling; if I answered a boy’s text, she wouldn’t talk to me for a week. I was to text her at all times and if I didn’t, I was bombarded by angry messages. The part that scared me most about her was that she knew my address- and I never told her.
I told her I couldn’t help her anymore, I needed to focus on my recovery. I blocked her on every social media site and hoped she wouldn’t come back. But somehow she still found me. Every September like clockwork, she comes back to harass me. Abusive friendships are something you don’t really hear about. I had no idea she was abusive, I just thought she was a bad friend but I began to realize that it was so much more.
Typical traits of a toxic friend are narcissism, competitiveness, and feeling drained after a conversation with them. Many times, toxic friendships develop over time. And unfortunately, they’re most likely to develop with your closest friend. According to a study conducted by the Chicago Tribune, 8 in 10 people have had an abusive friend. This is a scary statistic but a very real one. Unhealthy relationships can exist between anyone, not only a romantic partner. Sometimes ending a friendships hurts more than breaking up with your significant other, but there’s no shame in putting your mental health first. You don’t have to stand for constant battering just because it’s by a close friend that you’re reluctant to leave.
If you’re reading this and you feel yourself starting to relate, it’s okay. However, cutting off an abusive friend isn’t as easy as some websites make it sound. You can attempt to talk to your friend about their behavior, but it might end in them crying and you feeling extremely guilty. My cliché advice to you is to talk to someone. It doesn’t matter who, honestly. Tell your story and let it be heard, even if it’s just by your guidance counselor. Hearing another perspective is comforting, beneficial, and a lot of times you’ll find that you’re not alone. If abruptly ending the relationship will be too hard for you, drift away bit by bit. Again, don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first. You’re important and you should surround yourself with people that only further instill that sense.
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