Introducing The Next Generation Of Leaders And Thinkers

What is It Like Being Transgender?

http://www.pingszoo.com
http://www.pingszoo.com

With increasing transgender visibility in the media due to famous trans people such as Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox, almost everyone knows what it means to be transgender. While support for the transgender community has drastically increased in the past few years, there are, and always will be, those who stand adamantly in opposition to the community. With the current transgender teenagers being the first to live in a society fully aware of what it means to be transgender, I thought it would be important to hear from them. In the following interview, we hear the stories, advice, and messages of four transgender teen boys: Matt (he/him), 15, Connecticut; Maxwell (he/him), 16, Kentucky; Joseph (he/him), 16, Minnesota; Kai (he/they), 14, Arizona. Hopefully their answers inspire some of you as much as they inspired me.

-My first question: when did you know you were transgender?

Matt: “There was never really a defining moment for me. I never felt quite female as a toddler and the switch from my birth name & eventually feminine pronouns was a subtle, discreet thing that I’ve brought about over the course of a couple years. I very distinctly remember being in a Catholic kindergarten and not wanting to ‘dress like the girls’ and that whole uncomfortable thing.”

Maxwell: “I think I kind of always knew I wasn’t like the other girls. I mean, I liked playing football and hanging with boys and such. I would literally sit and wish I was in the opposite body sometimes. Then as I started realizing that it was a normal thing, I was able to put a label on what I was feeling & what it meant. I came out this year, because I finally felt good enough about it and myself.”

-How was it like transitioning? Did/do your parents or any other people in your life have issues and disagree with who you are?

Joseph: “Sadly, there’s been and always will be naysayers. Coming out to people has always been one of the hardest things. It’s not just one time, you do it multiple times a day and each person you tell is different. You never know how someone will react. I even get slurs thrown at me sometimes. Coming out to people I’m close with has been even harder than random people in class. They’ve been super supportive even when i have a hard time, which is often. Most of the negative comments come from people on the internet who are looking for people to upset.”

Kai: “Transitioning is really, really difficult, but I’m glad I’m finally doing it.”

Matt: “Transitioning is an uncomfortable and grueling process. The people you come out to and the process of coming out is something you never forget; there are going to be plenty of people who accept and encourage you and, unfortunately, plenty who don’t. The only people in my life who have had a problem with me ever presenting masculine were my parents, and I’m not out/don’t intend on coming out to my extended family because I know they won’t accept me for who I am and frankly, the heartbreak and anxiety and disappointment isn’t worth it.”

-Interested, I decided to figure out the story behind Matt’s family: So you can’t ever see yourself coming out to your family?

Matt: “Probably not. Coming out is like playing with fire, and some fires aren’t intended to be tampered with. I’ll be satisfied if I can make it through college and start living my life on my own two feet. Transitioning on testosterone is likely only going to happen after I become independent from my parents; they’re older than most parents and aren’t very accepting of LGBT+ individuals. Same goes for my extended family. We aren’t very close and that’s alright with me.”

-To Matt: So does it hurt not being able to come out to all of your family or have you come to terms with it?

Matt: “It’s a little bit of both. I’d like to be able to transition without infringing upon their beliefs and hurting them, but I’ve realized that I’m going to have to carry on with my life at some point and if they care to be a part of it, I’ll gladly welcome and accept them.”

-To Matt: Do you think their views on the LGBT+ community will ever change?

Matt: “I sincerely doubt it. My father is in his 70s and the one thing he’s constantly telling me is that you can’t change people. I can hope that they’ll understand, and I can try to explain the LGBT+ community to them, but I know that nothing I do can fully convince them to drop their spite and be accepting. They’re very stubborn and, my mother especially, very narrow minded.”

-Next, I decided to ask Maxwell about some of his personal experiences: How did your parents react to you coming out?

Maxwell: “Actually my parents are the only people I haven’t come out to yet. The rest of my family and friends have been really supportive and good at respecting me and my pronouns. But my parents wouldn’t be okay with it. I don’t see myself coming out to them, ever. My mom has said some pretty rough things regarding people who don’t conform to her Christian beliefs.”

-To Maxwell: Do you think she would have a different view on you, her child, in contrary to someone she’s never met? Or do you think it would be the same reaction?

Maxwell: “I think it would actually be worse. She can tolerate knowing someone is gay or something, but if it was me, there would be a level of disappoint I don’t think she could handle.”

-When I asked, “What is your opinion on Caitlyn Jenner? Is she a “trans icon?” they all had very similar answers:

Joseph: “For me it’s hard to say if her impact is positive or negative this early on. She is definitely one of the icons just because of her previous fame. I look up to her for being so courageous and coming out on such a large scale but overall I personally believe she isn’t educated enough to advocate well on our behalf, she is very privileged and had a virtually seamless physical transition, including the money for it. Not to mention her statements made about the rest of the LGBT+ community haven’t been all-around supportive or positive.”

Kai: “Originally, I was really proud of her for transitioning. I honestly thought she was going to be someone to look up to, but she’s displayed that she does not support marriage equality and other LGBT rights, and because of this I don’t think that she is a trans icon.”

Maxwell: “In my opinion, Caitlyn Jenner doesn’t deserve the role model position she’s been granted. It takes courage to do what she did, true, and I’m glad she finally found herself, but the fact that she isn’t actively advocating for all LGBTQ+ rights is something that could rub off on youngsters. I don’t like it, personally.”

-To all: what do you think the main issue is with everyone accepting the trans community?

Joseph: “Most people who have reacted negatively towards my gender have been extremely religious. I think it’s just a mindset parents preach and pass down to their children. Everyone just wants to be liked, from a very young age we start conforming to make friends, as soon as someone steps out people view it as weird just because they’re used to everyone acting the same. Just because something is different doesn’t mean it’s bad or weird.”

Matt: “I’m placing my bet on lack of education. People fear what they don’t know, and a lot of transphobia stems from people not knowing a multitude of things and vehemently denying change, whether it be letting the people they know and love grow as individuals or changing their own mindset. We’re not all that different from anyone else. Considering that some people are some genders while other people are others isn’t very difficult once you open your eyes, ears, and heart.”

-What is your message to trans kids and/or kids who are questioning their gender identity?

Kai: “Don’t be afraid to explore your identity. If you don’t feel like your assigned gender anymore, research different genders and their meanings, try to find one that matches your feelings. If you can’t, don’t sweat it! There’s no hurry to label yourself. In addition, when you do find your identity, don’t be afraid to come out to your close friends. If they’re really your friends, they’ll accept you unconditionally. Overall, don’t be scared to question and explore your identity.”

Matt: “Keep on keepin on. Hang on tight, you’re certainly in for a ride. If something small sparks inside you that makes you think that you’re trans, chances are, you are. That’s just fine. Try it out. Even if that feeling changes and you decide that doesn’t suit you, your identity is still valid. Only you are capable of defining who you are. Most of all, you’ll be fine. You’ll be just fine. Maybe not now or tomorrow or in a few months or years, but you’ll be just fine. You just have to allow yourself happiness. Somewhere in existence, you know happiness; you’ve just got to hang on long enough to see it.”

Joseph: “I would say don’t come out until you’re ready and don’t if you aren’t 100% sure you’re in a safe environment. It’s OK not to have it all figured out. Don’t be so quick to label yourself, it’s going to take time and you’ve got a whole beautiful life ahead of you. Take small steps and see what makes most comfortable. You’ll figure it out in due time, I promise you.”

Throughout the interviews we discussed a multitude of other topics: implementing gender and sexual identity education in schools, advising trans kids to find an outlet to relieve stress (Matt’s was Jazz Band), and having to play on the girl’s tennis team regardless of identifying as male (Joseph). Joseph and I even discovered that we were born on the same exact day! The more I talked to these amazing people, I began to realize they’re just like me. I had never talked to a trans person prior to these interviews, and now that I have, I acquired four tremendous friends. It has been a truly eye-opening experience.

I will leave you with a message from Joseph to those in adamant opposition of the trans community:

“We are people just like you. You don’t choose your eye color or your skin color, just like we, trans people, don’t choose our gender. It’s in our hearts and our minds. The sooner people learn that, the sooner we can move forward as a whole.”

 

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