It all started with cooties. (Like any good story does.) Toddlers in cotton tops chasing each other, wearing the colors they were assigned at birth. I wasn’t the only person to notice my red pigtails clashed against my pink shirt, or that my shirt was the only pink one in the entire neighborhood for that matter. But I didn’t let it bother me, because the only thing I had to worry about were my “cooties,” until we grew up of course.
Surviving 15 years as the only girl in a neighborhood full of boys…you learn a lot, often too much. I gained an extensive knowledge of pokemon cards, the wooded area between suburbias, and essentially any game you could think up that was played with a dodgeball. I also became familiar with the knot that forms in your stomach when something makes you uncomfortable.
If you were to ask me when I was 8 if I was experience internalized misogyny in my daily life, I would probably assume it were a medical condition or a character off a new show on Disney XD. I thought being left out of games and secrets because it was “guy talk” was normal.
I thought it made perfect sense that none of the boys wanted me on their sports team or to sit by me on the swingset. At the age of 7 I felt the first of many side effects of being born a girl.
But like most things, these issues passed along with the seasons. Soon I was starting to notice more and more attention was being paid to me. I was elated for a brief period of time, however a whirlwind of problems developed alongside my breasts.
Hide and seek became an opportunity to squeeze into small spaces alongside of me and breathe down my neck. I didn’t understand at first, but by the time I turned 12 I realized there was something not right about the thing poking me in the back when they stood close behind me.
I became an outlet for all of their pent up anger. I made them feel powerful. Bossing me around gave them a taste of control, which would soon result in toxic behavior. To the boys, I was the wife their dads yelled at. I was the girl who fetched them their water and attended to them when called. My days as playing the princess came to a natural end, and soon I felt like my sole purpose in the social circle was to cater to their every needs.
These twisted idea that I was there to wait on them came from the influences surrounding them. The boys were learning from their fathers that they weren’t allowed to express their emotions in a healthy way. In return, The 16 year old older brothers viewed slapping my bottom and watching me squirm as they shot airsoft pellets as a form of entertainment. I was simply there to please them.
These things are far more common than we would like to think. It is so easy to stick your fingers in your ears and pretend that the kids outside are playing nice, and that when children play “castle” in the backyard, the kingdom they rule is one free of tyranny.
The reality is modern day gender roles and negative influences are leaving young girls with the impression that their job is to serve boys, and young boys feeling guilty for showing emotions that are only natural. Learned behavior starts right at home. These kids were not born resenting and degrading the very womb that carried them for 9 months.
Children are impressionable… siblings, family friends, the kids that you babysit every other Wednesday: they are looking at you. Remember not only to demonstrate that men should always respect women, but everyone should always respect anyone regardless of their gender. If not, the girl who is feeling used and exhausted, could end up being your little sister.
