I come from a country in Southeast Asia that is known for its multicultural society and tolerance. It recognizes four different races and four different languages. I’ve been given many opportunities to shine, regardless of race or religion. That doesn’t mean I’ve never been the victim of institutional racism. I would like to quote Andre 3000 here. “Across cultures, darker people suffer most. Why?” See Indians make the minority group here and lucky us, we’re also the darkest. The people who made me feel bad about myself weren’t necessarily white. In fact I never had to work around white people or go to school with white people. My point being, light skinned POC can perpetuate hate against dark skinned POCs and this is due to cultural assimilation, where we’ve been made to believe light skinned – if not white – people are superior. The man made hierarchy places dark skin at the bottom wherever you go.
I was always the lonely Indian girl in class for most of my life. Whether it was kindergarten or University. It took a lot out of me to accept how people received my community. My mom always made me wear a black bindi (or pottu) because she believed it warded off evil. I was too young to understand its significance but I liked wearing it. My classmates would ask me why I had a dot on my forehead and it was not out of curiosity to learn. They thought it looked funny. I would go up to my teachers for help when some of the boys in class called me ‘blackie’ and they would do nothing. I remember one of the teachers telling me to return to my seat with a smirk on her face. She found my plight amusing.
It affected me so much that I stopped wearing the bindi after a certain age. I didn’t want to hurt my mom so I would wear it until I took the school bus. Here’s the disgusting truth. I did it so I could look ‘less Indian’. There were days I wished I wasn’t born Indian and the hatred towards my own people kept growing through my teenage years. I didn’t want to date Indian guys. I was ashamed to go to the temple with my family. When I did, I refused to wear traditional attire because we had to take the public transport. I didn’t want to be seen like that. I felt shy to speak in my mother tongue (Tamil) and the only time I did was when we had mother tongue period in school. Nobody knew I was getting straight As in Tamil. My teachers praised me for my grasp in the language and I did exceedingly well but I wasn’t proud of it.
At 14, I decided to relax my hair because I got bullied for having naturally wavy hair that got frizzy in the heat so this was my way out. Soon I noticed many Indian girls of my age spotting straight hair. For you it may be another hairstyle choice. For us, it was a way to fit in and dodge the ‘coconut oil’ jokes. When I turned 20, I was sick of fixing my hair. I was sick of sitting at the hair salon for hours. I was sick of paying hundreds to destroy my natural hair. It took me one whole year to grow out my curls but I finally felt free. I felt more beautiful. I loved the feeling of my hair dancing to the wind. I loved how it bounced when I walked. How even when it got messy, nobody could tell. I asked myself why I had to hide my hair all this time when the same girls who made fun of it, pay for hair curlers and rollers now. Because they think it looks pretty on them but not on me. This is the case for bindis, henna, forehead jewels and anything that is exclusive to our people. It is never pretty on us but it is pretty on everyone else.
I couldn’t eat Indian food with my friends without them laughing at me. The curry jokes were endless but they enjoyed Indian food whenever they wanted to. When anyone asked me what my mom made for dinner, I would make up something western. They wouldn’t understand me if I said ‘sambar’ or god forbid, fish curry?! They would never shut up about it and I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. A year ago, I got a part time job as a beauty promoter at a department store. It made me relive my childhood again and it might have encouraged me to write this article as well because I realized how racism is still well and alive. Apparently the counter girls were confused why an Indian girl is selling makeup meant for fairer women. I later found out that the manager who hired me texted my colleagues that a new girl was joining. This is what her text reads – “She’s Indian but it’s okay, she doesn’t look Indian!” So what I’m getting is, she wouldn’t have hired me if I looked any more Indian? I came to know of this through a friend who worked there as well. See I know that I’m still a fair skinned Indian, who gets better treatment and I completely acknowledge the privileges I receive with my skin as compared to my dark skinned Indian brothers and sisters. The racism I experience on a daily basis is nothing compared to theirs.
When someone tells me, “What’s the big deal?” when they wear bindis at Coachella, they are disregarding the pain I went through to embrace my culture openly. When they tell me, “Culture is meant to be shared”, they are disregarding the years I spent trying to erase that very culture so I could fit in. Forgetting my culture meant I could live a little happier. If I didn’t express myself that way, maybe people wouldn’t pick on me anymore. Many minority groups grew up being oppressed and you continue to oppress them when you steal elements of their culture that they were never allowed to feel proud of. It’s a very simple concept. It’s sad that many of us are unknowingly supporting the bastardization of culture and tradition. This is why we have a growing number of yoga studios managed by non-Hindus who rename the ‘asanas’ to accommodate the modern yogi. Yet we scoff at the sight of an old Indian man with an unkempt beard, mediating by the Ganges. We have Bollywood themed weddings because of the glitz and glamour. Big clothing brands market Indian motifs in their summer collections but it’s funny when it’s on an Indian woman’s sari border. Lord Krishna printed on tee shirts. Why? The bindi has been reduced to a ‘decorative jewel’ or ‘body stickers’ when it is so much more. It is on the foreheads of our mothers. It is on the foreheads of our religious deities. Why does Kendall Jenner or Vanessa Hudgens get to wear it? Years and years of tradition have come to this – picking and choosing what looks trendy.
Next time a person of colour tells you it’s not okay for you to take portions of their culture for leisure, take the time to understand why. When Indians tell you to stop wearing the bindi, it isn’t just about the bindi. It’s multilayered. If you find our culture beautiful, you can participate when you are invited to do so. I would be happy to see my friends in traditional Indian attire when they attend my wedding in the future. Appreciating and appropriating are very different. Taking someone’s culture out of context for your personal gratification would be appropriation and it is offensive. Especially when you abuse it with the privilege you were born with.
I am thankful for movements like ‘Reclaim the Bindi’ and many others that aim to celebrate the beauty of minority groups and speaking up for those who have been discriminated for their skin colour and cultural differences. I will continue to reclaim the bindi. I will continue to reclaim my culture.
