Written by Monse Dial
Many women of color are no stranger to comments made to them where their race/ethnicity is sexualized. We’re no stranger to being attractive solely because of what we are. We hear things like:
“You’re an exotic piece of chocolate, girl.”
“Woah, I didn’t know you spoke Spanish. Say something again, that was hot!”
“Are exotic girls like you spicy in bed?”
“By the way, you’re sexy, are you Latina?”
The list of comments is infinite. Sometimes we grow to feel as if these are good things. As if this is the right way to be desired. It’s not.
Women of color who are perceived as beautiful by society but also defy conventional beauty standards (Eurocentric beauty ideals) are often called “exotic.” They’re seen as sexy or attractive for looking/being different. Of course, these women are indeed beautiful people, but are they “exotic?” Is calling them that a compliment? The answer is a hard “no.”
In every definition of “exotic” you may find, they all refer to places, animals, plants or things. Calling women exotic reduces us to something strange, animalistic, “savage.” It reduces us to less than human. It’s dehumanizing. We are not things. Furthermore exoticism is something that is applied to women for their looks only. You don’t hear someone being called exotic because they act a certain way. They’re only seen as important because they look a certain way, because they look different from the archetype of what is typically considered to be beautiful (this, again, referring to the European standards of beauty imposed on most cultures) in a society.
Furthermore, when we label certain women of color as exotic, we further promote colorism.
Often, the girls of minority groups with darker skin, with more indigenous features, with less “desirable” features are looked down upon. Usually, they are not the ones seen as exotic unless they carry some European feature, as would be the case with a very dark skinned woman with light, striking eyes. This is toxic because not only does this dehumanize a group of women for their race, but it divides that group itself between those who are acceptable, beautiful enough, for society. We’re only exotic because we look different. But aren’t humans supposed to look different? We’re fetishisized for not looking European in places where the average person looks European, yet they forget that in reality, we’re not all that different. Maybe there we are, but in the places of our ethnic origin we are normal.
Women of color are fetishisized for our “exotic” looks, and for stereotypes about our personalities that are often the reason men do or don’t want us. For example, the stereotype of the Latina woman’s attitude (and I use the term “Latina” as this is the term often used to describe us by those who fetishize us. I acknowledge the fact that many prefer other terms, such as indigenous or xicanx). Latina women, apparently are known for having attitudes. For being crazy. For being possessive. Yet it’s deemed as an attractive attribute. A sexy thing. It’s spicy. Again, this is a mere stereotype that has somehow come to epitomize who we are as women. I myself am a “Latina.” Do I consider myself to have any of those attributes? Absolutely not, yet I still find myself having this expectation to behave that way imposed on me. However, this attitude is something black women are condemned for. Men praise Latina women for their supposed attitudes, but look down on it when black women do it. When a black woman has an attitude, it’s a turn off. She’s uneducated, she’s too rowdy, she’s a bitch. Men want a quiet black woman. A black woman with “manners.” Yet it’s hot when a Latina loses her cool. We can’t even get mad without it being a measure of how sexually desirable we are. Middle Eastern women are often sexualized by people who fetishize the perceived “innocence” that they associate with hijabs. This is also toxic because it promotes the assumption that all Middle Eastern women are Muslim, or that all Middle Eastern women wear hijabs.
Not only that, but it is disrespectful to sexualize a hijab; the increasing popularity of porn videos in which a woman wears nothing but a hijab only further perpetuates this fetishization of middle Eastern women. A custom that holds sacred religious value is taken from them and turned into something sexy, something that cis men fetishize. They can’t even practice a religion without being sexualized. Asian women are often considered to be the “perfect wife” because they have a stereotype of being docile and submissive. Take a second to realize what that means. Take a second to come to the rationalization that many of the men who dream of an Asian woman for themselves want her because they think she will be submissive. What kind of misogyny is this? They want Asian women because they don’t want a woman who is going to argue. They don’t want a woman who has opinions she deems worth sharing. A woman who will do as she is told and only speak when spoken to. First of all, what?! What kind of 19th century ideals are those? Secondly, why are we assuming this about Asian women? This stereotype is just as ludicrous as the “spicy, psychotic Latina” stereotype. This is so harmful to Asian women. These kinds of things seep into the minds of young Asian girls, who are going to grow up thinking that being a good wife is synonymous with being a quiet, submissive wife. Or they grow up thinking that men only value them because they think Asian women are submissive. Do we want a generation of young Asian women basing their self worth off of that? Certainly not. It’s not stable. It’s a self worth subject to the preferences and minds of cis men who are teaching them that the only way for them to find love is to fulfill that stereotype.
As women of color, we are often spoken about as if we are merchandise. Saying “I want me a nice Asian girl ’cause they’re submissive,” makes it seem like you’re just looking for the best tissue brand to buy. We’re not tissues. We’re not merchandise. Yet we are categorized under stereotypes that are supposed to define who we are and match/speak to certain male preferences? Not even considering that these stereotypes do not accurately reflect these ethnicities/races as a whole, why are we categorizing women like this? It’s hard enough being a woman of color, where most of the time it’s hard to be taken seriously, to make a living, to have your culture respected, to not be discriminated against, to be treated like a second class citizen. It makes it confusing when society spits on you and your customs and your people but turns around and sexualizes you and your culture to its convenience. You begin to wonder, are you really being respected as a human when people don’t care about your struggles and your people, only your “exoticism?” Women of color endure so much, only to be held subject to sexual standards and expectations that we never asked for. So I’ll reiterate, do not sexualize us for who we are. We are not exotic.
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