During High school around year 9, School became too much for me. Entering classes would leave me feeling dizzy, sick, breathless and sweating. It got to the point where I would skip almost every one of my lessons, and as someone who highly enjoyed my classes, I found the whole thing rather devastating. I was confused as to what was happening to me and why I felt this way. Eventually I turned to my parents, they explained they thought I had anxiety and was suffering with low level panic attacks. I found the whole thing rather overwhelming and didn’t really know where to turn from here. Now that my parents knew what was happening, instead of skipping classes I would merely skip school. I was losing everything that made me who I was, I had no confidence and due to my low attendance I had barely any friends. I stopped going out all together and my anxiety just got worse due to the fact I had no friends and no social life. I then became really depressed and everything in my life just seemed to be crumbling before me.
My parents started to get letters and warnings saying how my attendance was to low and I felt so much pressure to get back into school but the longer I had waited the worse going back seemed. My parents then got fined £240 pounds and I knew I had to go back. Monday came and I hesitantly got ready for school. It was horrible; as soon as I entered the gates I felt sharp pains in my chest, all I wanted was to turn around but I knew that wasn’t an option. I remember walking up to the science class door looking through the window and my stomach sunk as I did not have one friend or even someone I could sit with that I liked or I knew liked me and there is no worse feeling then that. I went to my head of year and explained how “I literally can’t go into that room” she wasn’t very understanding and sent me back to class, this led me to just leave all together and go home.
My mum decided it was time to go the doctors and see what he thought was best, he suggested a counselling place in my town, my Mum said okay and that was that. I went to “Yes Counselling” around 4 times but in my eyes it seemed rather useless so I told my parents I didn’t want to go anymore. With the fear of another fine we headed back to the doctors and explained how my depression was getting more and more severe and that this was the first time I had left the house in weeks other than to go to Yes. I had just turned 16 at the time so my Doctor saw this as the perfect opportunity to put me on antidepressants, I didn’t really want to become dependant on tablets but at that point I didn’t feel I had any other options. I started taking them and after about 3 months I felt like I should feel different but I didn’t. Mum decided to take me back to the doctors again, at this point the only other options were to up my dosage on my medication and send me to CAMHS (another form of counselling) which he did both.
My parents sat me down to try and explain the reality of the situation that I was missing months off school and that we were essentially breaking the law. Two weeks before the end of the school year my Mum spoke to the doctor again and they decided it would be best for me to take sick time off school (officially, I wasn’t going anyway). This left me realising that I was not preparing for my GCSEs and that would most likely leave school with nothing but my depression and anxiety but the circumstances left me with no other choices. The school itself was adding to my problems and had nowhere for me to go or anyone to talk to. The school counsellor was a waste of time, he knew nothing and did not help at all, there was no one there to help me or to show some understanding or perhaps some other options with consideration to my GCSEs but nothing.
I didn’t go to school for year 11 due to my mental health, I tried to speak to the teachers the heads but none of them had any options for me to do anything from home or to even let me do my exams alone at the school, so now here I am an aspiring writer with not one GCSE behind me, which as you can probably realise is rather heart breaking. Everyday I see the people around me going off to college and university living the life I should and could have had maybe with the right support and guidance from my High school. I know there are hundreds of other students in the same situation as I was but people aren’t paying attention. I want to make people see what is happening for us young people with mental health issues. My attendance wasn’t low out of laziness and I do not have no qualifications because I am thick.
Schools need to put something into place to help the youths suffering with mental illnesses,
a class with only the anxious maybe? Teachers who will help and understand what you are going through and if you have to get up half way through a lesson and leave because you are on the verge of a panic attack instead of following you out screaming they could stand with you try to help and listen to what you say or if the student preferred just leave them be until they feel ready to come back into class. When you have a low attendance and are far behind rather then yelling at you how you don’t have enough time to catch up, try and help you catch up and find a way around it, working from home should 100% be an option for students just like me and I think together we need to speak up and make a change in the education system.
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