Fiction is a beautiful fantasy world filled with distant lands and characters made with one’s own creative mind, but is there a line to draw when it comes down to the romance genre of fiction? Yes. The bad boy, abusive relationship, or the “But, I love him, I can change him into a good person!” – call it what you will – trope has always been a fan favorite, and I must admit I used to be blinded by the dangerous side of fiction myself. There was always some kind of mystery and sexiness to it all, but when the possessiveness and downright awfulness of the main love interest starts, that’s when you get a little uncomfortable. I’m talking about fanfiction in all its amateur written glory, the truth of the matter is, young girls are learning that abusive relationships are okay from adults who don’t know the difference between an abusive relationship and BDSM – I’m looking at you, E. L. James – and other young girls who adore bad boys but don’t realize how unhealthy that kind of love affair is.
Abuse can come in different forms: there’s verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse; all are just as damaging as the other and all are just as unappealing. If you were to read a lovely fan fiction about Harry Styles of the band One Direction, that is now becoming a movie called “After” by Anna Todd, you’d see plenty of just that. Anna makes Harry into this possessive, controlling, and downright cruel boyfriend. Tessa – the protagonist – is ignorant enough to stay in love with him, I haven’t taken the time to read this book but I’ve read excerpts and this is what I’ve gotten from it: Harry doesn’t stop cheating with other girls while messing with Tessa’s heart.
He also keeps the bloody sheets that Tessa lost her virginity on in the trunk of his car as proof of his winning of this bet he made with a friend to see who could take her virginity first (Zayn) even though you’re NOT supposed to bleed when you lose your virginity. Tessa forgives him over and over again, even after finding out about the bet and the sheets. Tessa too isn’t the most amazing girl, she cheats on her extremely kind boyfriend with Harry, and many other boys while she tries to change Harry for the better, but would she be able to do that while being a lying cheater herself? Their relationship is horrid. If you ever support this piece of writing you need help.
Young girls (and/or boys and non-binary) are learning that this kind of relationship is “goals” or okay when it absolutely is not. This kind of writing is dangerous, the only time I would be alright with this is if on the inside of the front cover or anywhere on the book in big letters it said: “YOU DO NOT WANT THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP, DON’T ROMANTICIZE AB– USE.” Even then I’d be a little unsure. This leads me to the best-selling novel, “50 Shades of Grey”, people say Anastasia knew exactly what she was getting into, and do you know what that statement is? Sounds like someone giving an excuse for rape.:
(TRIGGER WARNING: if this is a sensitive topic you may want to skip this excerpt)
“Well, I thought I should come and remind you how nice it was knowing me.” Holy crap. I stare at him open mouthed, and his fingers move from my ear to my chin. “What do you say to that, Miss Steele?” […she says nothing…] I take pre-emptive action and launch myself at him. Somehow he moves, I have no idea how, and in the blink of an eye I’m on the bed pinned beneath him, my arms stretched out and held above my head, his free hand clutching my face, and his mouth finds mine.
He bends and starts undoing one of my sneakers. Oh no… no… my feet. No. I’ve just been running. “No,” I protest, trying to kick him off. He stops. “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you.”
This is just one excerpt from chapter 12 of the book, I didn’t want to add a more graphic one considering it can be triggering, it’s utterly disgusting how prominent his abuse of her was. This book is supposed to be a BDSM story, but it’s more abusive and rape-ridden. E. L. James obviously doesn’t have a clue at what BDSM really is and that is clear.
“BDSM is about mutual care, mutual pleasure, and mutual respect. A healthy and safe relationship that involves BDSM requires all the things that any healthy and safe relationship requires: trust, intimacy, vulnerability, respect … And most importantly, BDSM is based on consent,” – Katherine O’Clare of Crushable
Abuse is horrible, and not knowing the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one at a young age because of this nonsense isn’t a good thing. These two books were both fanfictions and guess who reads fan fictions? Teens and pre-teens of all genders, people who are probably just starting to date. It can teach them that this is a relationship that they want. Don’t settle for someone who is verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, or physically abusive, if they really loved you they’d be there for you and wouldn’t lie, cheat, or hurt you in any way. In other words, don’t trust all romantic fiction for relationship advice or your personal “relationship goals.”
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