This article is the introduction to our sex ed series where people share their sex ed related stories.
Accurate and inclusive sexual education (and more of it) is all I’m asking for. Why is it so hard for schools to provide just that? Instead of that much needed sexual education, our youth are often being supplied with faulty and inaccurate sex ed (if they even receive any sexual education at all). Sexual education includes being informed on consent, gender/sexualities, sexual conduct, birth control, and how the human reproductive system works. Our school system has a sexual education problem. I’m going to shine some light on this by talking about my personal experience with faulty sex ed. I also am going to include conversation about the virginity concept and the Catholic religion.
I grew up attending Catholic schools. I didn’t receive any sexual education until the eighth grade at my all girls Catholic high school. It didn’t come in the form of a health class or even a sex ed class, instead it was a chapter in our religion book. I am not Catholic, but at my Catholic high school it was mandatory to take a religion class to learn about the Catholic religion. If you have any knowledge about the Catholic religion, then it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that the “sexual education”, if you can even call it that, was not informative or helpful. It instead was focused on shaming and the concept of purity. I’m now a junior and have since left that high school, but I can still remember what that religion class had to teach about sex. Following along with traditional Catholic teachings, it taught that any sexual act before marriage was a venial sin. Let’s also not forget that the marriage had to be between a cisgender heterosexual male and a cisgender heterosexual female to even be considered a marriage (homosexuality and non cisgenders are not accepted in this religion, it’s a sin). If you engaged in any form of sexual “misconduct” (including masturbation and even kissing) then you were now tainted in some way and needed to go to confession to relieve your soul of those wrong doings. You needed to become “pure” again because those acts have made you dirty. The Catholic religion relies heavily on the theme of “purity”, I also believe that society does too. Keep in mind that this was an all girls school. We were taught that we, as girls, needed to “respect” ourselves enough to not destroy our inner “purity.” “Showing off” our bodies by wearing leggings or a 2 piece swimsuit was putting our soul’s purity and self worth at risk. We were taught to act and dress a certain way in order to not arouse men with our bodies because that is shameful. It was our duty as girls to remain sacred, untouched, and full of “virginity”. There was no talk of a boy’s responsibility or a boy’s purity. Girls are taught that if they wear something deemed as not modest, then they are being dirty and shameful. If a boy notices our body then it is the girl’s fault because we should never have dressed in that way to promote sexuality.
One day in 9th grade (I was still attending that high school), I had been losing weight and so my school uniform skirt didn’t fit right so I decided to roll my skirt making it fit tighter around my waist. It also became shorter in length because I rolled it. My female teacher noticed that my skirt was “too short” and in front of my class, asked me who I was trying to impress because there was no boys here (all girls school remember). I was embarrassed because negative attention was drawn to me and my “too short” skirt. That comment is aimed to shame and it also is only heterosexual inclusive, completely erasing homosexuality. Strict dress codes don’t protect girl’s “virginities”, they aim to shame us for being the sexual beings we are. They wish to control and manipulate our sexuality. Girls/women are sexual beings, there is nothing wrong with that.
The concept of virginity is another tool used to police women’s bodies and sexual expression. There actually is no such thing as “virginity.” Virginity is claimed to be lost when a woman’s hymen breaks. The funny thing is that the hymen can be “broken” by running, riding a bike, riding a horse, inserting a tampon, or even stretching. Also virginity is a completely heterosexual concept, it has to do with penile penetration into the vagina. Does this mean that gay couples are forever virgins? I am not going to go too much further on the topic of virginity, but if you would like to learn more, than I highly recommend you read The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti.
This form of sexual education is shaming girls on the basis of toxic virginity and so called “purity.” It is not educational or even realistic. Also, the accepted birth control methods in the Catholic religion are abstinence and “natural family planning.” Abstinence is not engaging in any sexual activity at all. Natural family planning is only engaging in sexual acts during certain times of the month based on the menstrual cycle in order to avoid the optimal times for conceiving, like ovulation. Natural family planning is highly unreliable and abstinence is just another form of policing girl’s “virginities.”
Birth control comes in many other more reliable forms: the pill, injection, patch, condoms, implant, IUDs, and “plan B”. These can have up to a 90% success rate and many also have other health benefits. You do need to protect yourself from an unwanted pregnancy, but also remember to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. Birth control has been known to also help with acne, cramps, and heavy periods. Talk to your doctor about which one is best for you. If you are unable to afford going to a doctor to get birth control, then Planned Parenthood could be an option for you. They are known to be able to provide birth control, STD screenings, or pregnancy tests to minors in need (sometimes without parental consent – your parents don’t have to know) and they are also reasonably priced. These forms of birth control are not accepted in the Catholic religion. Sometimes I even see people say that if you allow girls to have access to reliable birth control, then you are basically telling them to go have sex. This is incredibly false and distorted thinking. If someone wants to be sexually active, wouldn’t you rather them to have protection than be forced to have unprotected sex and be opened up to the possibility of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases?
Abortion should also be included in sexual education. The Catholic religion teaches that abortion is unacceptable. The Catholic religion also hides under the term “pro life”, but being against abortion is not being pro life. Read my “Pro Life vs. Pro Choice” article for more information on abortion, it is posted on Affinity’s website. While abortion is not a form of birth control, I believe that it should be included in sexual education. It shouldn’t be talked about in a misinformed or bad way either. Girls need to know that they do have a legal choice and that they are in control of their own bodies.
Consent is probably the most often left out topic when discussing sexual education. Consent is the presence of a clear, sober, and constant “Yes.” Teaching the rules of consent can help to work towards eliminating rape and sexual abuse. Consent should be included in talking about sex because it so often is ignored in sexual situations. Everyone should have a complete education on what consent is and how it is ILLEGAL to disregard it. If we could include teaching about consent in schools/sex ed, then we could be battling against the high rates of sexual abuse. This is something we should be fighting against, no matter your religion.
It is vital that sex ed include accurate information about the human body and reproductive system. Nothing good can come from being misinformed on how our body and how our partner’s body works. Knowledge is power. Sex ed needs to cover the basis of the male and female reproductive systems and also include conversation about how our bodies react in sexual situations. This will provide our youth with the confidence and security they need to be happy in their relationships and also happy with themselves.
I strongly believe that sexual education should constantly be modernized in order to keep up with our ever changing world. With that being said, I feel as if sexuality and gender are deeply tied in with sex ed. Now that gay marriage is legal in all 50 states, it is ever more important for our youth to be fully educated on other sexualities and genders. Gender is not just male or female and sexuality is not just straight or gay. Many people are so uneducated and ignorant when it comes to the various sexualities and gender identities. If we are taught them in our youth, then this could aid in fighting discrimination and also help others come out and realize who they are. These things need to be taught in a positive and inclusive way to truly make an impact on our society.
Sexual education is in dire need of reformation. So many people are lacking basic knowledge and therefore spreading ignorance. A difference in sexual education could make such a big impact on society. Imagine all the lives changed for the better. Having access to this information is vital to our youth. Sex ed needs to exclude conversations about “virginity”, “purity”, and shaming women. It needs to instead include and promote conversations about consent, birth control, gender/sexualities, sexual conduct, and how the human reproductive system works. All of these things also need to be taught accurately and positively so as not to promote an unhealthy sex life or shame youth for their sexual expression and being. Healthy sex life, confidence with one’s own body and sexuality, and lower rates of sexual abuse are just some things that could happen. Sexual Education is important and needs to be taught accurately in all schools.
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