Perhaps one of the most well known abuse victims of our time would be Rihanna who was assaulted by Chris Brown. Rihanna found herself stuck in an abusive relationship that resembled all too closely the one of her father and mother. One night in 2009, the couple started arguing after leaving a pre-Grammy party. The situation escalated quickly, and she says,“I was bleeding, I was swollen in the face,” “…there was no way of me getting home, except for, my next option was to get out of the car and walk. Start walking in a gown, in a bloody face. So I really don’t know what my plan was.”
Despite the time that has passed since 2009, Brown cannot be stripped clean of his offenses, and even recently addressed them in a new trailer for a documentary about his life.
“I went from being on top of the world, No. 1 songs, being kind of like America’s sweetheart to being Public Enemy No. 1,” Brown states in the trailer. “I felt like a f**king monster…I was thinking about suicide, I wasn’t sleeping, I barely ate.” Watch the trailer here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=estyowIIW70
Does his remorseful statement defend what he did to Rihanna? Remorse and apology seem to be recurring characteristics in multiple offense abusers. Chris Brown cannot pay for what he did, as the damage is hard embedded in Rihanna’s soul.
Rihanna recalls that “The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other, equally as dangerous,”, describing their relationship as an obsessive, toxic, and unhealthy burden.
This brings me to a point: How do people know that their abuser is genuinely sorry? Many victims in abusive relationships are well unaware of what is going on and the detriment of it. They blame themselves, feel guilty, and often are unable to decipher the cunning wittiness of the abuser.
Here is a list of signs to watch out for if you, a loved one,or someone you know is in an abusive relationship.
1. They push for quick involvement. They come on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this before by anyone.” You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. There’s constant jealousy. Your partner is excessively possessive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.
3. They’re controlling. They interrogate you intensely about who you talked to and where you were, checks mileage on the car, keeps all the money or asks for receipts, and insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. They have very unrealistic expectations. They expect perfection from you and for you to meet their every need.
5. There’s isolation. They try to cut you off from family and friends, deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.
6. They blame others for their own mistakes. The boss, family, you — it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.
7. They make everyone else responsible for their feelings. The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I’m angry.” “I wouldn’t get so pissed off if you wouldn’t…
8. They’re hypersensitive. They’re easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.
9. They’re cruel to animals and children. They kill or punish animals brutally. They also may expect children to do things beyond their ability or tease them until they cry.
10. They use “playful” force during sex. They enjoy throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he finds the idea of rape exciting. They intimidate, manipulate, or force you to engage in unwanted sex acts.
11. There’s verbal abuse. They constantly criticize you or say cruel things. They degrade, curses and calls you ugly names. They will use vulnerable points about your past or current life against you.
12. There are rigid gender roles in the relationship.
13. They have sudden mood swings. They switch from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.
14. They have a past of battering. They admit to hitting partners in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.
15. They threatens violence. They make statements such as, “I’ll break your neck,” but then dismiss it with “I really didn’t mean it.”
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