Introducing The Next Generation Of Leaders And Thinkers

Help! My Friend Is Problematic! Here Are Some Tips

 

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One of my previous articles detailed whether or not associating yourself with a problematic celebrity makes you a carbon copy of said celebrity. What if, however, it’s not a celebrity you’re being associated with?
Yep, you know what I’m talking about:

Problematic friends.

We all have them and, sadly, we all love them.

I have friends from every category: the reverse racism believers, the sexist ones, the transphobic ones…if there’s a problematic category, chances are, I know/associate ( not willingly) with them.

What, though, constitutes you as condoning their behavior? If you have a racist relative, chances are, you are not able to escape them. The same goes for kids at your school that you have classes with – you may be able to regulate your contact with them outside of campus, but there’s always the chance that you will have to speak to them inside of the classroom.

If you actively try and change their beliefs, don’t worry! You’re fine. Some people just won’t change their mind. However, if they are someone you can escape, someone who isn’t a big deal in your life, then cut them off. Maybe then they will realize that what they’re doing isn’t a joke, and that you’re serious about what you believe in.

Just DON’T facilitate their activities just because they’re your friend. If you think what they’re doing is wrong, speak up about it and try to educate. If you can’t speak up out of fear, then don’t act like whatever they did is ok!

Hypothetical situation time:

You’re on the bus with your friends, chilling out as you drive to school. Behind you, two of your companions are playfighting – giggling and hitting eachother, the whole shebang. It’s all fun and games, until one of them decides to say:

“I’m going to rape you!”

Woah. Woah, woah, woah. This is not funny, and you KNOW it’s not funny. No one says anything, and all of your friends watching the situation unfold just laugh.

What should you do?
Stop the fight and say that the statement made was wrong,
Ignore it and laugh with your friends, or
Do not overtly speak up, but make it a point that you do not find it funny through body language (a frown, not laughing, etc.)
A and C

The correct choice here is D: A and C. It is understandable if you have to put up a front with your friends to try and remain sane, but even then, acting like it’s okay prompts further activity. If your friends see you setting an example, chances are, they’ll probably try and get educated on their views! In the off chance that they don’t, that generally means one thing: They’re not your true friends.

This goes somewhat the same for family members. You’re technically supposed to respect them, but is educating synonymous with disrespect? No, it’s not. Berating your family members will, however, prompt a divide. Educating them won’t, and you can garner a more positive reaction this way. Enlighten them, show them why x, y, and z aren’t correct of them to do or say!

Again, as long as you don’t condone their behavior, you’re fine! We live in a world where opinions are changed every day!

And, hey, whether it be your best friend believing in reverse racism, or your family members being homophobic, don’t fret! They’ll come around. Just keep educating them! Time heals all wounds.

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