5 Common LGBTQ Misconceptions Debunked

Here are a few common misconceptions people make about LGBTQ people that need a little clarification. Here we go…

1. Most LGBTQ people go through a tortured period of hating themselves for who they are

Not true. People think that every LGBTQ person has a large internal struggle with their sexuality and/or their gender where they realise they aren’t straight and/or CIS and hate themselves for it. While many LGBTQ people do take a long time to accept who they are emotionally and logically, a lot of them don’t. It was never an issue in my case, for instance. For some people, obviously it is a hurdle they must overcome – and I respect and support them in that. I understand, why it occurs for the many people who go through it. However, for me there was no struggle; I didn’t even dwell on it, or even think about it. Over time, I sort of just discovered I just was pansexual, I just was trans. That is the case for a lot of others, too.

2. Most LGBTQ people have an ultimate moment of realisation

This is incorrect for the majority of people. Most people either grow up knowing they are in a sexual and/or gender minority, or grow to realise it slowly when they mature. Most people have just always known and have never had to question it – others can start having feelings out of the blue, or in a slow build up, and have to figure it out. Alternatively, they could actively notice themselves having feelings and merely go along with it. It’s extremely case dependent. Despite the major differences in everyone’s self-realisation process, almost no one has a single, clear epiphany (and that’s a big word) where they suddenly know. Mostly, the knowledge of who they are comes either over time or has been ingrained in them ever since they could comprehend it.

3. Until people are in their late teens or early stages of adulthood, they are too young to recognise whether they’re LGBTQ or not

Personally, I despise this one. To put it into context, let’s consider a person who is 8, 10, 12, 14, and expresses in any way that they are CIS and/or heterosexual: everyone takes that for granted. It’s all “oh, of course you are” and “that’s so cute!”… So when a young person, especially someone before their teens or in their early teens, says they’re trans and/or not straight, why is it not taken seriously? Why are they ‘too young to know yet’? Why are they ‘just figuring things out’? If a 13 year old says they’re straight, no one condescends and tells them ‘they’ll figure it out’. So why does that not apply to people who aren’t straight, or people who are trans? Heterosexual attraction (although obviously you can experience heterosexual attraction and still be interested in other genders) and certainty that you are CIS at a young age is valid, yes – but however young, you are always capable of realising or knowing deep down that you aren’t necessarily CIS or heterosexual. For example – and I’ve told various people this time and time again – when I was little and didn’t really know what sexual minorities were, I used to think it was ‘unfair’ because ‘I had to choose out of guys when I was older because guys were ugly and girls were pretty’. Of course, now, I’ve realised I find all genders appealing – but at the time, even if I didn’t fully understand the consequences of it, I saw women in a romantic light. Why can’t anyone else do anything similar when they’re young?

4. People in sexual minorities who are of your gender are definitely attracted to you in some way

Don’t flatter yourself. When you discover someone is in a sexual minority and you have a platonic bond (or even if you are merely acquaintances), you should not automatically assume that they are somehow attracted to you. By applying that attitude, you would be ruling that that person is attracted to every single person of your sex and/or gender (some people’s sexualities focus on bio sex, some on gender, and some on both or neither)… which is crazy, by the way. It implies that they would fancy you purely because you are of their gender. There is also the irritating act of finding out someone is in a sexual minorityand trying to set them up with the next gay person you see/can think of that you know. If I find out that you’re straight, am I likely to say, “Oh my god, this person is straight! You guys should meet!” That sounds ridiculous, right? Well, coming from a person in a sexual minority, it also sounds ridiculous when you apply that to gay people as well as straight people.

5. People in sexual minorities are much more likely to be promiscuous

I haven’t the slightest idea of what this common myth stemmed from. Perhaps it was the whole stereotypical ‘gay bar’ image, or the hyper-sexualisation of queer girls, or simply the fact that gay people couldn’t have a legal partnership anywhere in the world until not very long ago at all, or get married until even more recently. Whatever the rumour came from, it is not true. Gay men don’t just want to sleep around, gay women are most likely not going to make out in a bar to please a heterosexual man… anyone with any gender in between is not subject to these stereotypes, but they have stereotypes of their own. We’ve all heard them. In fact, straight people have been denying people in sexual minorities of the right to actually make commitments for lifetimes – the introduction of civil partnerships and gay marriage arrived far too late, and personal opinion of people who solicit adoptions means gay couples are rejected from the possibility of adoption much more frequently than straight ones are. People’s attitudes to commitment of the romantic, sexual, marital and familial kinds vary just as much if they are in a sexual minority as people in the straight majority’s attitudes do. The way people in sexual minorities can feel about relationships is the same; it’s just that the kinds of people who they are attracted to could be different. In conclusion, Kristen Stewart does not spend her time ‘splashing around’ with her ‘live-in gal pal’, she lives with her girlfriend, and sometimes goes to the beach with her. Big deal? I think not.

I hope you learned something here, whether you are CIS and/or straight or otherwise; there’s always more to learn. Remember, even a person in the LGBTQ community is not immune to learning. None of us have reached enlightenment just yet. (Not even me, and I’m pretty clever.)