If you’re not aware of the first word mentioned in the title above, then either you can google it, or I’ll educate you on it. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity.
Most of the general population does not have knowledge about demisexuality. Reason being, we live in a heteronormative setup where anything that deviates from the ‘norm’ isn’t taken well. Here’s the thing, demisexuality is very much a thing and will exist to be so despite your efforts to ignore it. You can invalidate it by saying they’re ‘confused’ or ‘bored’ but that doesn’t stop them from being who they are. Demisexuality falls on the spectrum between sexuality and asexuality. A demisexual can be hetero or homosexual in orientation as in, they could be attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, both sexes, or all genders and sexes. That’s beside the point though.
For a demisexual, romantic or an emotional attraction precedes a sexual one. It is not possible for them to be sexually attracted to anyone without being emotionally attached to them. This does not mean that demisexuals have lessened sexual attraction, they do feel it, just not the way someone on the sexual spectrum would. No relation for a demisexual starts with sexual relations.
Demisexuals are very much a part of the asexual community. Despite feeling sexual attraction, they definitely don’t experience it at the rate of the regular sexual population. According to the 2014 AVEN Census, two thirds of demisexuals are uninterested in and/or repulsed by sex. However, there is a significant portion that enjoys it. All feelings about sex are valid in the community since you could be a demisexual who enjoys sex or be a demi who does not. Either way, your feelings are valid.
The best way to define demisexuality is that demisexuals feel sexual attraction only after forming an emotional bond with someone. Demisexuals can choose to have sex even if they’re not attracted to anyone, simply for the biological reason of procreation or something personal etc. But under no circumstances should a demisexual be forced to have sex simply because their idea of sexual attraction does not comply with the heteronormative societal norms. Just like asexuality, demisexuality is not a disease or sickness. It’s an orientation. One that should not be erased.
A common argument against demisexuality is that someone may choose to not have sex until they fall in love and there is no need to label or define the community. Labeling the community simply helps enforce a stronger sense of self, it helps one find ground, find their identity in the society, it helps someone feel like they belong to something and that is never a bad thing. Everyone deserves to feel good about their existence and not feel like they don’t belong. Demisexuals can feel left out in an extremely sexualised society that enforces ideas of sex and it’s importance so it’s essential for the community to develop healthily.
Demisexuals are not demigods the way you’d think they are, but they are pretty damn special and it’s time we all started appreciating that.
