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End the Saying ‘Dress How You Want To Be Adressed”

“Dress how you want to be addressed”- it’s a response I’ve heard way too much regarding the issue on sexual harassment/assault.

I have heard this before- in conversations with my mother where she tells me that what’s on the inside matters over anything else, but it’s also important to make sure your outward appearance is put together because people judge you on it. Once I started getting older, I started hearing this saying in conversations about sexual assault and harassment.

What pushed me over the edge when it came to women’s appearances and the apparent connection to rape was a video clip featuring Tyrese, Rev. Run, and Amber Rose on OWN’s ‘It’s Not You, It’s Men’ that I saw on Twitter. In this video, Amber Rose (badass feminist) schools Tyrese and Rev. Run on women’s appearances and consent: “If I’m laying down with a man butt-naked and his condom is on, and I say, ‘You know what? No. I don’t wanna do this. I changed my mind.’ That means no. That means fuck no.”

But then, Rev. Run responds with: “I’ve heard a quote like ‘dress how you want to be addressed.'”

This is what lead me to write a PSA that I believe all human beings need to hear: JUST BECA– USE A WOMAN IS WEARING REVEALING CLOTHING DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU OR WANTS YOU TO GROPE HER IN ANY MANNER!

As a young woman, it pains me to know that men and women still believe that if a woman wears revealing clothing or dresses in a sexy manner that she is responsible for the harassment she receives. Hearing someone use ‘dress how you want to be addressed’ as a defense for people who commit sexual harassment and assault is appalling and saddening. By agreeing with this statement, you are continuing the blame game on women, putting victims of these heinous crimes down and siding with the abusers.

This horrendous statement also glorifies and feeds into our society’s ‘sex sells’ mentality where both women and men are used to sell things by glossing their bodies and removing their clothes. For women, it’s a double-edged sword; on one hand, we have the world wanting us to dress sexy and show off our assets, but when we do and receive negative responses, both verbally and physically, it is somehow our fault. Quoting Amber Rose, “that’s not realistic.” Me, you, we cannot have the world dress us up as sexy Barbie dolls to play with and then blame us when we fight back on the disrespectful way we are treated.

The original intention of Dress How You Want to Be Addressed is to remind everyone that yes, people judge the book by its cover, but the connotation of it is to put down the worth of a woman. In order for this as a whole to stop, the blame needs to be put back on everyone who adds in to the negative commentary a woman receives for being her fine self and just let women be confident in what they are wearing even if you don’t like it.

Dress How You Want >Dress How You To Be Addressed

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