As a black person living in a roughly 13% black country, naturally I interact with non-black people frequently. And it can get frustrating. Most of the problems I encounter aren’t born of malicious intent. They are simply the product of well-meaning ignorance and are easily remedied via the following steps.
1. Account for lighting when you take pictures with your darker friends. It may seem insignificant to you, but you’re friend will admire your consideration. As a general rule, if the light source is behind the person, their face will be too dark to be seen. You want the light source to be behind the camera. And should their face get shadowed out, do not make jokes about it. We know. Our skin is dark. There is nothing novel about whatever vaguely racist joke you were planning on spewing out.
2. Pause. Before you say your friend looks like a colored celebrity, think. “Does my friend really share the same facial features as them? Or do they just have similar skin tones?” It gets tiresome having to hear “You look just like [black actor who has nothing in common with me].” I look nothing like Morgan Freeman, Martin Lawrence, or Kevin Hart. Tyler the Creator, maybe. The point is, when you repeatedly tell us that we look like EVERY celebrity of our race, you tell us that you think the entire race looks alike.
3. Compliments on our hair are always nice, but there lay a fine line between praising us and making us uncomfortable. Tell me that you think my hair looks nice. Say that my hairline looks clean. Say that my braids look tight. Don’t say that my hair looks fluffy and ask to pet it. That makes me and likely anyone else a bit uncomfortable(Personal note: When I say I’m 6’1 tall, DO NOT say that I’d be 5’11 without my hair. The doctor squishes it down before they measure. You won’t make me laugh. I promise that it will only make me hate you a little more). It’s also always been a pet peeve of mine people use all the black hairstyle names interchangeably regardless of the hairstyle involved. It gets frustrating hearing box braids get called dreads, especially when they’re so easy to tell apart. If you’re unsure, just ask. Most people would prefer giving you a quick explanation than here you call their Senegalese twists “dreads.”
4. I am not now, have never been, nor will I ever be “your black friend.” I will be your friend, but do not treat me as some kind of token to absolve yourself of perceived racism. Introduce me as “your only black friend” and you won’t have one much longer.
