Introducing The Next Generation Of Leaders And Thinkers

Does Sex Hurt? And Other Questions About Your First Time Answered

Growing up, every movie made sex seem like the thing to do. Every TV show made sex seem like it’s a magical experience. Shows like Gossip Girl glamorized having sex with anyone and everyone while movies like Clueless made sex seem like you would have it with the one person you love and will be with forever. Sadly, sex is not like that at all; it’s different for everyone. “Sex isn’t like the movies — there’s involuntary noises and other accidents happen,” says Lauren.Sex usually happens when you
Evelyn V.Woodsen

Does Sex Hurt? And Other Questions About Your First Time Answered

Growing up, every movie made sex seem like the thing to do. Every TV show made sex seem like it’s a magical experience. Shows like Gossip Girl glamorized having sex with anyone and everyone while movies like Clueless made sex seem like you would have it with the one person you love and will be with forever. Sadly, sex is not like that at all; it’s different for everyone. “Sex isn’t like the movies — there’s involuntary noises and other accidents happen,” says Lauren.

Sex usually happens when you aren’t ready and aren’t prepared. “I was 16 and it was summer. There was this guy I’d had a huge crush on all year and I was really drunk and hopeful at this party one night,” says Sarai. “I felt so raw when he came up to me and eventually we started kissing at the party. We went into this empty room and I told him I was a virgin and he was really drunk too so he didn’t do much to help me out with the logistics of it all.” It’s very important to learn and understand your body before having sex.

“It kinda hurt, but I know now that’s because I was drunk and not properly lubricated.When I went to the bathroom later, there was a tiny bit of blood on my underwear,” says Sarai.

Why was there blood on Sarai’s underwear? When you have sex for the first time, you have a hymen. The hymen is a thin, fleshy tissue that stretches across part of the opening of the vagina. Not everyone breaks their hymen during sex, you can break it during activities such as horse riding and gymnastics before you even ever have sex! That’s why people think virginity actually exists, but they fail to realize not every woman will break their hymen during sex. Once the hymen does break from sex, it can hurt and will bleed.

When I had sex my sheets were covered in blood. Overall it was not the best experience cause I did not know my body well. I didn’t know that you can’t dive straight into sex, you have to be wet. That one time experience made me vow never to have sex again. Months later I did more research on my body and realized what I was doing wrong. “I also recommend that you have masturbated before you have sex with someone else – this way, you know what it feels like when it’s right and you know what you like” says Lauren.

Does sex hurt the first time? It can if you aren’t properly lubricated, meaning if you aren’t wet, it will hurt like hell.

The first time I had sex, I felt like a thousand knives were literally stabbing my vagina. I was 17 at the time and did not realize that foreplay and being wet was necessary.

You can not just straight get into sex, you have to be aroused, “Make sure to use lubricant, either natural if you engage in foreplay or you can buy water-based lube from a drugstore,” says Lauren.

For gay couples, sex can be just as scary. Anal sex is one of the ways gay men feel pleasure, but it can definitely hurt. It’s always best to use a lot of lubricant when having anal sex, otherwise it will hurt and you will be very sore. Anal can be very uncomfortable and dangerous if you aren’t prepared, so make sure you have cleared your stomach (no Chipotle before sex please). Usually you can buy an enema to clean out your anus and rectum. An enema pushes liquids into your anus and rectum and cleans it all out.  You do not need a prescription to buy an enema. Although enema’s are effective, please note it can increase your risk of catching HIV, so always use a condom.

If you feel pain at any time, please let your partner know and always use lots of lube when having sex.

Now I’m not here to scare you because sex is great, it’s fun. Everyone’s first time is very different.

“It was great! Personally, I was with someone I trusted and wanted to be with for my first time,” says Sarah.

“We talked about it before and even during; we made it fun too and talked about what we wanted. We had candles and music. But it’s really different for everyone,” she continued.

How do you know when you’re ready for sex? It’s hard to say, but honestly you know when you know. I know I wasn’t ready for sex, but I felt pressured because all my friends were having sex. I wish I would have waited but sometimes you feel things that aren’t true. “I was fifteen and I did it with a boy two years older than me because I thought I was in love with him,” says Victoria. “I don’t regret doing it at that age, I just regret the person. He wasn’t my first love. I wish I would’ve lost it with my first love.” You should never feel pressured to have sex with someone because you want them to like you or not break up with you, “It hurt. I wasn’t ready, he pressured me into it and I had a panic attack after,” says Jane. Anyone who only wants you for sex isn’t someone to keep around.

Sex will not always be uncomfortable, weird, and awkward — trust me. It gets easier as you continue having it more frequently. It’s really important to also protect yourself against STD/STI’s, many are untreatable so always use protection such as condoms. Condoms don’t fully protect either, so always ask your partner about their status or you could end up with herpes (untreatable). It’s best to know more about your body before you start having sex. If you are not sure if you are ready for sex, then I would advise that you should probably wait. “There is a lot of false and negative stigma around ‘losing your virginity’, but that doesn’t meant it’s not still a difficult decision to make,” says Victoria.

Related Posts