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Things I Learned From My Suicide Attempt

Teenagers in this millennium era are more likely to insert suicide as an option to heal their heartbreaks, or in a harsher phrase, end them. As more concrete proof, in 2014, the Jason Foundation found that suicide is the second leading cause of death for ages 10-24, as well as the second leading cause of death for college-age youth. They also found that four out of five teenagers who have attempt suicide have shown clear symptoms prior to their attempt. This has made it clear that our society is having serious social issues and is an environment made up of many people with poor mental health.

As much as suicide is forbidden in many religions and seen as a disgrace to a family, I have found that my suicide attempt has been an eye-opener for me that has allowed me to see life in a different perspective. Peer pressure over time led to the dark, hollow way that doomed me, but now I have new, brighter beginning.

As an aftermath of my attempt, I was injured internally for a long term. Fortunately, I walked off with pills and painkillers to help. That night made me realize that second chances do exist. Afterward, I felt like I had been granted a new life for me to build all over again. Like a baby learning to crawl, I learned to do everything once again.

Needless to say, it was hard. Somehow, someone will always find a way to bring it up and take it as a reason to not trust you even though you have been struggling to do your best afterward. This mistreatment considered as a form of bullying because it is discouraging for myself and other victims trying to move forward and rebuild our lives. Because of this, I never judge nor blame anyone that gave up after having the same or even worse experience than mine and decided to end their life because the pain they faced overshadowed the good. They lacked the support they needed for them to begin to believe that waking up every day is worth it. For me, I wasn’t left with any choice. I didn’t die, and there weren’t any shifts afterward. Like it or not, I had to, and have to try to make it better. I have to continue to be strong. I have to manipulate everyday situations so that they are stress and fuss free. In simpler words, I have to make the effort to make it okay.

Just like other teenagers that have faced the same obstacle as I did, I too had no support. I felt like the people closest to me, even my parents and best friends weren’t there when I needed them most and felt like they could never understand what I was going through. This is when I realized this, that all you need is you and you alone. You have the last word for every decision that you make in your life. Only you can insert an abundance of joy and delete all negative behaviors from your daily routine. You don’t need someone to make you feel important. Every person is born into the world with a purpose. It is in your hands to find why you are here, and searching for requires a longer time than the one you felt it did. Don’t give up.

After four years, I am still learning to recover and to find trust in life once again. I believe that most of us have tried all our best to overcome the shadow of our fears via distracting ourselves with commitments but believe it or not, the nightmare will be a visiting every now and then. Welcome them in and let them be a lesson and the main reason for you to soar upwards. Have fun when the lights are on and when you’re not drunk. A good life needs to be embraced with the best people although you have to remember to build your own strong self-defense. Select one or a few friends that seem to be the closest to you and discuss with them solutions to overcome your problems. Even if your problem remains unsolved (though they will eventually be solved), having someone that listens will make it bearable. Hit us up in the comment section or reach out to The Affinity Magazine team. You can also reach out to me through my social media platforms if you feel the need. Most importantly, don’t forget to accept everything and everyone with an open mind and an open heart.

To those that have been a victim of unacceptance and negativity, don’t wait any longer. This is your time to fly.

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Maleen Balqish
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Senior year student living the KL life but prefers quiet KT weekends. E-mail : maleenbalqish@gmail.com Twitter & Instagram : maleenbalqish

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