Growing up a male teenager naturally awakens you, at a young age, to sex. It’s insane; you become a walking hard-on for your entire middle school years and parts of your high school years.
Unsurprisingly, many teenagers in high school make the conscious decision of having sex, hence why the teen pregnancy rate in 2014 was 24.2 for every 1,000 women between the ages 15-19. Here in California, where I reside, sex education is a very important chapter in our biology classes. However, no matter how progressive the state of California might be, there is one community of people who, more than often, are excluded from sexual education chapters: the LGBTQ community and, in this instance, the gays.
Quick thought: while lesbian and bisexual women need their own discussions on sex, I am in no position to comment on such.
Returning to gay men – gay men, as many of you might not know or find quite shocking, can not get pregnant. That comes with its pros and cons – actually, cross that out, it comes with two important pros: we cannot accidentally conceive kids, but most importantly, we can focus fully on protecting ourselves from STD’s/HIV/AIDS.
Before diving into my actually tips on sex, let’s talk about HIV/AIDS and why it was so prominently weaved into the gay community. Gay men are, naturally, more likely to perform anal sex than any straight person. According to New Zealand AIDS Foundation, gay and bisexual men are eighteen times more likely to contract HIV. The cells within the rectum are more susceptible to HIV than the vagina. Secondly, “both semen and rectal mucosa (the lining of the ass) carry more HIV than vaginal fluid,” said the New Zealand AIDS Foundation website.
Next, because gay and bisexual male communities are so much smaller in comparison to straight communities, “the pool of people you have to choose from is smaller. This makes gay and bi guys much more closely connected, sexually, than the rest of the population. It also allows HIV and other STIs to spread quickly among us,” wrote the same website.
After you’ve educated yourself and feel ready to explore your own sex life, what do you do?
Have sex with people you truly trust. While sexual promiscuity is interesting, at a young age, that isn’t exactly the ideal route to take. Talk to someone you know and trust. Maybe you have a boyfriend? It can be anyone you want, as long as you trust them. Some who won’t run around talking about you negatively afterwards. And remember to be upfront about your natural interests in sex. Communication is always important. Always.
Body issues are very common for teens coming-out-of-age, know someone will respect you for you are and what you look like.
Do not force yourself.
High school is a wild time where anything is prone to happen. Keep in mind that you must always want to. Both you and your partner do not want to be uncomfortable in a situation that is clearly one sided. Always start of gentle, later you can ask to speed it up (if you choose to).
How do I know what I want?
Recently I wrote, in collaboration with Johanna Bulaong & Tobe Obiaya, an article based entirely on the concept of self-exploration and masturbation. There you can find a much more detailed tips, if I may, on what to do as well as trying to help you ignore bizarre religious folks who shame others for doing so.
It’s always important to put yourself first. While remaining courteous with your sexual partner is important, they’ll most likely be thinking about themselves as well so you do the same. Maybe they enjoy oral and you don’t? Who knows. Just communicate with them.
Now that you’ve found someone you want to have sex with – what do you do?
Well more than likely, if you are a gay male, you’ll be having anal sex. Many people find this extreme but don’t eat for at least a day before. Overtime you’ll become comfortable with not eating for a few hours, but for your first time you do not want to be riddled with anxiety, in fear of the unexpected.
Anal douching is commonly done, and while I am not expert in douching, you can find our exactly what to do the website The Big Gay Review.
Buy condoms that fit. Guys tend to exaggerate their sizes and you don’t want to have sex while feeling as if a bag and hammer are ramming into you.
People, naturally, tend to have hair on their derrieres. Decide whether or not you choose to remove it. Speaking realistically, if you choose to remove them, that’ll be the most difficult in the entire process. GQ writer, Stephen Praetorius, wrote an article – and while it is directed towards straight men, it’s helpful nevertheless.
Is anal dangerous?
It is not. Anal sex is more common than many people think. You must just always remember to use a condom. Many gay men leave that behind but remember that just because you cannot be impregnated that you do not risk anything else. There is a long list of a variety of STI’s and STD’S that are not in the least bit cute.
Next, use plenty of lube. I am, once again, not expert at the varying brands and kinds of lube but, according to a website titled BestLubeFiner (where you can find more information if you need to), silicon based lube is the best option for anal sex. “Silicon based lubricant contains four main ingredients, which are Dimethicone, Dimethiconol, Cyclomethicone and in some cases a spermicide. These ingredients help to maintain the extra stickiness for long time and don’t have any side effect,” wrote the writer of the article.
Out of experience, you do not want to land yourself a very painful hemorrhoid. I, and I mean this in the most literal form, could not move for two days.
What about after?
Remember to be adventurous in positions. Maybe you enjoy bottoming more than topping. Be proud of your position; especially bottoms, they work very hard to pleasure the other.
Like most people who lose their virginity, the first time is always a bit weird. You don’t exactly know what to do, if you should go home, if they’ll like you afterwards. Don’t expect it to be some wild ride as commonly shown through porn.
AND LASTLY!
Have fun! The beginning is scary, especially when someone else’s blood-rushing, hard body part is entering your body but you’ll accustomed yourself to the feeling and eventually enjoy it. Depending on what you do, it might be a little messy. However, in the moment you mostly will not mind.
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