For most of my life, I’ve heard the words “slut” and “hoe” be used as a means of describing women, thrown around carelessly without regard for the person being discussed outside of a seemingly simple exploit. We’ve been taught that those words are the ultimate insult to the very female character; they reflect badly on you, as being a slut is the most egregiously offensive thing you could possibly be, and they reflect badly on your family. Being a hoe or a slut means that you are nothing outside of your behavior. It means that you have disregarded the simple rules that have never been written down, discussed, or hashed out by anyone, but instead just exist on an intrinsically hateful level. If you’re a slut, you have forgotten to let these rules (that come from nowhere, serve little purpose, and contradict themselves more often than not) dictate your life, and for that your deserve to be punished and ostracized. I have spent a great deal of time trying to avoid being the target of those words for these very reasons; I will freely admit that I have put forth the effort to never be the bearer of my very own scarlet letter.
Recently though, I’ve realized that it’s possible women have become Arthur Dimmesdales in society, and it’s time for that to end. I’ve made the decision to end my own crippling “what if” guilt right now, because in actuality, we’re all sort of slutty, right?
Women have sexual desires and act on them. We fall in love and want to share our bodies with those who have our hearts, and even if you aren’t in love, seeking pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of, is it? I’ve realized this, I’ve come to terms with this, and I’d like to embrace it. I don’t see the point in feeling shame by having breasts or a nice ass. I don’t see the point in pretending like one sex practice is better than another if they’re both executed safely and ethically. Those things don’t do anything but perpetuate archaic ideals created by the ever vague and inexplicable patriarchy (that’s basically to blame for all of the worlds’ problems), pit women against each other in an unwinnable competition, and breed self-loathing.
I don’t have time for that. I’m cute, I’m smart, I want to be happy. The whole world can miss me with that, and you should let it miss you with that too. You deserve to be comfortable with yourself, and be able to seek and nurture relationships that make you happy, may they be sexual or otherwise. Yes, I know it’s easier to advise people to let go of everything they’ve been taught for their entire life, but seriously, becoming more sex positive means being more honest and open and accepting as a person, and it means “building a community of people who respect each other and are thoughtful and considerate in the environment as a whole.” And in our bubbles of liberalism, it’s easy to say that we’re all adamant about enthusiastic consent, but by being more sex-positive, understanding why that’s so important (outside of avoiding sexual assault charges) becomes so much more instinctive and fostering safe, happy sexual relationships is just that much easier. And that’s something we all deserve.