The term “gaydar” has been highly popularized in TV and media over the last decade. In case you’re unfamiliar with the term, a “gaydar” is the supposed ability to tell if someone around you is homosexual, despite a lack of actual evidence or proof. It’s a term that has been used in sitcoms and everyday conversation, and it has to stop.
The concept of thinking you know when someone is homosexual is not only extremely inaccurate, but also highly problematic. It could cause rumors to spread that someone is homosexual even if they aren’t, or they could begin to alter who they are to “fit in” to their sexuality.
There are quizzes and article online to teach others how to tell if someone is homosexual. One example is Mothership’s Is that guy straight? 5 signs to help configure your gaydar. This articles mentions traits such as grooming habits and even having a strong “gaydar” as indicators of sexuality, which isn’t what sexuality is about at all. Sexuality is defined as “a persons sexual orientation or preference” which has nothing to do with how well they do their hair or guess others’ sexualities.
It’s understandable that people are sometimes curious about other people’s sexualities, especially if they are attracted to them and considering asking them out, but it’s not our right to know or make assumptions. A gay man might see a boy in a coffee shop and worry about asking him for his number for fear that he’s straight. But that’s when the idea of sexuality being a private matter comes in. If you get rejected, deal with it, don’t throw around suggestions about sexual orientation. Don’t try to guess whether or not someone would be attracted to you because that only intensifies stereotypes that are harmful to the LGBTQ+ community.
If you read some of the article about “gaydars” they discuss things like hair, clothing, and even the way that people may sit as indicator of how someone sexually identifies. I watched a video last week that said if a girl crosses her legs when she sits that she definitely isn’t a lesbian, which just doesn’t make any sense at all.
Just because a women or man presents themselves with traditionally masculine or feminine traits, doesn’t mean that they are or aren’t LGBTQ+.
These methods of guessing someones sexuality are harmful and work to reinforce the ideas that lesbians can’t be feminine and gay men can’t be masculine which we all know isn’t true. There’s no way to know the sexual orientation of another person unless you ask them and they tell you. We need to stop using the “gaydar” and start respecting the privacy of others.
