I feel like before we begin, I should introduce myself. My name is Ryan Handley, I’m 18 years old, I’ll be attending college in the fall, I’m an aspiring Internet creator, and I’m a trans man, a person who was born a girl but is actually a boy.
Sorry, was that too much for a first introduction? Oh, well.
In life, there’s good and bad in every situation. However, most of the time you have some form of control over those things. You can choose to study for a test and get a good grade, which would be good. Or you could procrastinate, watch your favorite show on Netflix, and fail, which would be bad. (I’ve been guilty of the latter more than a couple of times…)
Your gender, however, is something you don’t have much control over. During my high school career, I started hating my feminine features and yearning for masculine ones. Skirts and dresses made me feel icky while T-shirts and jeans made me feel confident. I guess you could say I was the textbook definition of trans.
In my situation, there’s good, bad, and ugly. Some examples are:
The Good
Being Able To Be Myself Every Day
As you can tell by now, I’m out. It was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I no longer have to hide in a dusty, musty closet.
Being Able To Help Others
Ever since I came out, a couple of different people have come to me with questions about my transition and have even admitted to me that they think they’re trans, too. It means a lot to not only be able to help them but for them to feel so comfortable with me to be able to ask questions and confide in me. Being able to help even a couple of people means the world to me.
The Bad
The Anxiety Of Coming Out
While being one of the most rewarding things I’ve done, it’s also been one of the most anxiety-inducing. There was fear of my family and friends not accepting me. (Thankfully, they did.) There was the stress of figuring out how I was going to go about transitioning psychically. (Four months after coming out, I started hormone replacement therapy.) Even though everything worked out in the end, there was a lot of crying, anxiety, and bumps in the road.
The Ugly
Constantly Seeing Transphobia On Social Media
One of the hardest things about being trans, in my opinion, is constantly seeing transphobia plastered on social media. Jeers of “You’re not actually a boy!” and “God made you a girl!” are in the comments section of almost every article discussing a trans man. It brings me back to being that scared ninth grader, scared to express himself in fear of being mocked, ridiculed, or even injured.
However, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. More and more people are standing up against the transphobia on social media and calling people out, letting them know that oppression is not okay. It’s hurtful, it’s rude, and it’s potentially dangerous.
I hope throughout my transition that the “Good” list gets longer and longer. I hope I can help and educate more people about the issues that trans people face and that, no matter what anyone says, it’s okay to be yourself.
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