It started out with a letter.
I was a terrified, Christian teen coming to terms with my sexuality. For around a year now, I have known that I am a biromantic asexual.
I have always loved the Lord, but my religion has taught me that being LGBT+ is a sin. It was a long time of pain, struggle, and doubt. Growing up incredibly close to my mother, it was getting harder and harder to keep this growing secret from her. I had to tell her.
It started out with a letter.
I locked myself in my room before dinner, my hand shaking as I put pen to paper. Handwritten, folded, and sealed in an envelope. The letter read as follows:
There’s something that I’ve been needing to tell you for a while now. Before I tell you what it is, know that this is something I’ve known about myself for around a year now. Nothing has influenced this but myself and my own personal growth. Continue reading this with an open mind and heart.
I’m bi. I like girls, boys, and people outside of the gender binary. Yes, I have experienced attraction for all of those people groups. No, it’s not because I wanted to fit in on “gay Twitter.” This isn’t something that I want or that I’ve asked for. I know it’s wrong, and I’ve been praying nearly every day for these feelings to go away. More than that, I’ve been praying for your acceptance. I’m not confused. I don’t know if I will change or what my future looks like, but this is who I am for now. As future relationships go, I’m going to put my trust in God and find someone that loves the Lord and is best for me. I’m not asking for you to go to pride parades, or anything like that. At the very least, I just want you to support me. Love me and treat me the same as you have. I’m the same person you have always known. The only thing that’s different is that I feel comfortable not hiding a secret from you. Please don’t come talk to me as soon as you finish reading this. I know that your initial reaction to a situation is usually much more harsh than the second reaction. That’s why I’m writing this out instead of telling you straight to your face. Think carefully about how you respond. Write down your thoughts before saying anything. If you want, don’t say anything to me at all. I have been driving myself insane for months trying to figure out how to tell you this. I know you won’t agree with this. For now, please just love me. I love you a lot.
I had no idea what would happen from there. Would she be happy, or would she take me straight to confession? What would be in store for me in my last few years at home before college?
Right after saying goodnight, I quickly scurried into her room and gingerly placed the envelope on her pillow. Anything could happen from this moment. My heart pounded as I lay down in bed. In the dark, I see my door crack open.
“You awake?” she asked.
She lay down next to me and wrapped me up in a hug. She told me she loved me no matter what. I started crying. She hugged me tighter. God loves me no matter what. He does not care what I have done or how I am because I am His. This moment helped me to realize that. I never needed to worry about acceptance because I had it all along.
To everyone struggling with their sexuality, know that you are not alone. Someone is there for you.
While I didn’t need my mother’s approval to validate my own identity, she opened my eyes to see why there was no reason to doubt myself. Coming out was tough. Coming out was scary. But coming out was one of the best things I have ever done.