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Sex Should Never Hurt: How to Avoid Vaginal Tearing

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There are several harmful myths about sex, including, but not limited to, that sex should hurt the first time you have it, especially for people with vaginas. This is a lie. Sex should not hurt. The reason there is a myth about sex hurting the first time you have it is because people gauge hurting to tightness. People also say that you should “break the hymen” the first time you have penetrative sex, but some people aren’t born with hymens. Sometimes you break them a long time before you even have penetrative sex. “Breaking the hymen” is usually just an excuse to not properly lubricate and make sure your partner is comfortable during sex. There is still a myth about the tightness of vagina be related to how much sex you’ve had, and they believe that “virgins”, should have the tightest vaginal passageway. However, this is also a lie.

Tightness is usually misconstrued as dryness, and when people with penises are attempting to penetrate and find it a struggle, either they’re too big, pretty uncommon, or you’re just not lubricated enough. For the first time, usually, you’re not naturally lubricated, because you might be nervous, and you’re not really sure what to expect. If your partner does not take the time to make sure that you’re prepared, and ready, to enjoy sex, so that it’s not painful. If you’re dry, and they attempt penetration, you can actually cause vaginal tearing.

Vaginal tearing can be caused by several different things. The first is obviously, lack of lubrication. Anxiety can also cause vaginal tearing, as the muscles can clench up. Using sex toys without lube can also cause tearing, as well as during vigorous positions without lube. All of these could hopefully be avoided with the use of lubricant.

There are different kinds of vaginal tears, perineal tears are the tearing of the membrane between the bottom of the vaginal opening, and the anus, and are usually caused by child birth. Tearing of the vaginal mucosa (inner wall) is the most common form of tearing from unlubricated sex. There is nothing shameful about being unlubricated during sex. It happens to everyone. Foreplay may need to be extended, you might not be in the mood, there are a million reasons why you might not be as lubricated as you want to be, and you should never force yourself to have sex if you’re not enjoying it. Tearing is not limited to sexually related activities, also, you can get them from playing sports, such as horseback riding.

Tearing can be painful, or irritating, or you might not really notice it at all. Vaginal tears can become noticeable during sex if someone ejaculates into you, the semen can burn, or itch. It can also cause a burning sensation when you pee.

According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, a whopping 30% of cis women find that vaginal intercourse hurts, and 72% of them find that anal sex hurts.

Obviously, it’s just a sample of people, but the fact that people are willing to have sex while it hurts them means there has to be further sex education on the topic.

There is some sort of stigma against lube, lots of people insist that lubricant is for “older” people, which is again, untrue. Always use proper lube. Do not use lube substitutes. Do not put anything on yours, or any other person’s, that was not made to be in a vagina. You need to use things that are specifically PH balanced so you don’t end up with infections. Lubricant is for people that know their bodies, and are comfortable with making sex a good time for themselves, and their partner. If you’re not comfortable during sex, what’s the point in having it? Another issue is that a lot of people haven’t had the opportunity to have good sex, so they really don’t know what to expect.

Lack of functional sex ed leaves lots of people lost, and since many people base most of their sexual knowledge of off porn, a form of entertainment, proper sex knowledge is never learned. Take care of yourself during sex. Always be comfortable, and educated. Always treat your body well. Use lube and enjoy yourself during sex. If you’re uncomfortable, communicate with your partner. If your partner is making you feel uncomfortable, you shouldn’t stay with them. Your comfort should always be your number one priority.

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