The Best Way To Cheat

Hey! Hey, you! Are you sick and tired of your significant other, well then you’ve come to the right article! Here at Infidelity Inc.™, we are outfitted with the best methods and reasons to cheat.

Of course, don’t mind the fact that in most relationships there will come a time when the passion, fire, and sexual drive to %@#^& and @&^$%!@^* your significant other will run dry; that’s completely unnatural and signals that one should immediately jump ship. Obviously, one should always look at their s/o and consistently catch those feels in the heart, brain, or pants. No person in any relationship should take the effort to choose to stay and do better for their significant other because every relationship is easy to have—just look to your family, friends, dog, cat, etc. Everything that isn’t perfect and doesn’t constantly elicit good feelings must be abandoned because that’s how life clearly works.

So what does one do? Our apologies for the delayed answer. A person should ignore the option to tell their significant other that they have doubts about their relationship and, instead, become emotionally and/or sexually involved with other people in ways that would clearly hurt your main significant other. Yes, it’s all hurt and STD’s that could’ve been avoided, especially if you’re a hardcore no-condom-wearing cheater (it’s advised to play your s/o on hardcore mode so you can get extra points), but what’s the point of having only one exclusive relationship when you can have multiple seemingly exclusive relationships!

Build a network of side pieces! A relationship starts as a circle—with no sides, but, according to our in-house geometrist and psychologists, more sides means a better life. The stress over the multitude of lies, routines, names, personalities, and money you’ll have to manage for each side is actually the goal of cheating (extra points to finding someone with same name and personality as their name for cleverness). We also advise using a calendar and budgeting app for assistance.  Imagine: that’s twelve additional birthdays, Christmases, and Valentine’s Days to remember and manage. The gifts! The cake! The guilty sex! God, yes, more please! You can have a circle or build yourself a DAMN DODECAGON! A dodecagon. That just sounds cool—like a digimon. Harmonious circle versus rigid and complex dodecagon with wildly awesome name—your choice.

If the (painfully blatant) sarcasm hasn’t been caught, this is simply a criticism of cheating. Cheating comes in a variety of ways depending on the type of relationship and individual. For example, some feel slighted by sexual activities, while others by emotional intimacy with another. It’s always important remember in any relationship that communicating about boundaries and issues in any relationship is far more better and courageous than simply cheating because the stress and heartache that can affect both parties is always something worth avoiding. Relationships are consensual pacts, and there’s no point of getting into one if there’s no intention of upholding it. If the other person really cares about you, which they should, then bringing up issues will lead to a compromise that’ll either bring you closer or at least let the both of you break up on good terms.

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  1. Yes! Finally someone writes about time home.

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