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I Will Never Understand Black Men Who Don’t Like Black Women

In my brief time here at NYU, I have encountered more black men who don’t like black women than I have encountered in the whole 17 other years of my life. It’s so crazy to me.

One guy in particular that I know habitually turns his disdain for black women into disrespect. I’ll give an example. I was sitting in Washington Square Park with two of my friends, Christian and Saaleha. They’re both black. Christian had his high school friend with him who had been visiting for a couple of days. This other guy that me, Saaleha, and Christian know from our scholarship group started to walk past hand in hand with this girl who is not black. He looked at all of us and was not going to say anything, so I spoke to him just saying hey. He comes over with his girlfriend, and introduces her to Christian and Christian’s friend, who he barely knows. Then he proceeds to look at me and Saaleha, says to his girlfriend “There are no further introductions,” and he walks away laughing. Me and Saaleha looked at each other confused because we literally could not comprehend why he decided that was appropriate. But then, we remembered who this guy was and what his history with black women was.

Since the beginning of the school year he has always  been one to make statements towards black women essentially telling us we need to stay in our lane and be more submissive. In his opinion, we “talk too much,” and we’re mean because of it. Honestly, this is a really small incident compared to his previous comments and actions toward black women. But, I would say this incident was the most annoying because it was the most unsolicited. I literally had my hand out ready to shake his girlfriend’s hand. However, he really felt the need to go out of his way to disrespect me and my friend in front of his girlfriend just to prove that he has no interest in black women.  And when he was called out for it, he gave this bs excuse that he just “didn’t feel comfortable introducing us to a very special part of his life.” If that was  really the case he could’ve just introduced everyone as a group and just said these are people in my scholarship group. But no, he went out of his way to be rude.

Before I jump into the discussion of black men disrespecting black women I want to be clear about something. I didn’t point out the fact that the guy’s girlfriend is not black to say anything bad about interracial dating, I don’t have a problem with it. However, I do have a problem with black men that will say hateful things about black women, denouncing them completely, and then going and dating outside of the race because of their hatred of black women. If you’re dating outside of your race because that’s who you happened to have a connection with, that’s totally acceptable. You can’t help who you fall for. However, dating specific races out of hatred for the women of your own race is extremely problematic, and it’s something that happens way too often in the black community.

This incident brought up a really important question for me: What is black men’s beef with black women? And I know that not all black men have this problem. There are black men out here really respecting and loving your beautiful black queens, and y’all are much appreciated. However, there is a large portion of black men that have really lost their damn minds. I honestly will never understand, and I don’t think I will ever get an answer to this question.

The core of my confusion comes out of the fact that most black men came from and were raised by a black woman.

So to me, when I hear a black man say he doesn’t like black women, I also hear him saying that he doesn’t like his own mother. It’s just wild to me to think that some black men could be raised by single black mothers whom they’ve watched struggle to provide for them as well as teach them how to be a man without help, and then grow up and literally turn their backs on black women. How could you not appreciate the strength and determination of black women after that?

The rest of my confusion comes from the fact that black women are literally magic. We dictate the culture. The new model for the perfect woman: big lips, big hips, thick thighs and a fat behind, black women did it first.  Also we support black men the most out of any group. When black men are being shot in the streets black women are going out in mass numbers to protest and resist. Also black women know everything! We tried to save America from President Agent Orange because we knew it was going to be a mess. Never forget that 94% of black women voted for Hilary.

Also very important is, if you don’t like black women  you don’t like Beyoncé, and anyone who doesn’t like Beyoncé is not to be trusted.

The most ironic thing about this whole situation is that when I hear black men talking bad about black women it’s always coming from someone that’s unattractive. I’m being serious. I have never been attracted to someone only to be disappointed by their disdain for black women. It’s mostly an ugly black man problem. From the outside looking in, it just seems like they’re upset because they can’t win black women over. Which I guess could be a legit reason to be mad at black women. Black women don’t want you, so you go bad mouth us. It just shows how fragile the male ego is.

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Nia Ashari Harris

Hi, I'm Nia! I was born and raised on the southside of Chicago. I'm currently living in New York. I'm a student at NYU double majoring in journalism and politics, as well as minoring in Africana studies. I mostly enjoy listening to hip-hop and R&B, going to poetry slams, and engaging in political debates occasionally. Follow me on twitter @lilnini__ and on Instagram @missniania_

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Nia Ashari Harris

Hi, I'm Nia! I was born and raised on the southside of Chicago. I'm currently living in New York. I'm a student at NYU double majoring in journalism and politics, as well as minoring in Africana studies. I mostly enjoy listening to hip-hop and R&B, going to poetry slams, and engaging in political debates occasionally. Follow me on twitter @lilnini__ and on Instagram @missniania_

4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Zoe

    April 15, 2017 at 9:40 am

    Girl, listen- fellow young Black sister here. You must do everything in your power to ignore these self-hating clowns and seek out those who are respectful. DONT BELIEVE THE HYPE. Also, don’t start it. Most Black women and Black men still date, befriend and marry each other. I would say 8-9/10 x, nationally speaking on average and in the world overall. The problem here is you live in NYC- where interracial dating is higher than average and where there’s a lot of undercover racism. A lot of the Black people, women and men, in the tri-state area, particularly in NYC are in such economic straits combined with miserable from aforementioned, along with facing micro-aggressive racism from their white, Latino and Asian coworkers and peers that they internalize it and begin to loathe their beautiful authentic Black self, date out for social and economic access and put their progeny at risk; the thirst to stay in their shitty NYC life is real. Moreover, I have found that for these people, Their thought process and critical thinking is usually very limited, regardless of education. You must strengthen your mind. ignore these weak people and focus on what you want. Start going places south of the mason-dixon line when you have school breaks. You will see different things, all of the Black men down south worship us Black princesses, especially the educated ones, which are plentiful: they’re higher class, with more $$$ and just better quality all around. Usually, the Most handsome Black men I’ve seen date and marry Black women. it’s always the ugly, corny, wack personality ones that date out. If you pay close attention, you will notice this for yourself. Do not listen to other people’s intentionally harmful narratives about Black dating and internalize it, go after and develop a more positive one for yourself. Do not pay attention to the media, or what a small minority of wacksauce regular ass Black dudes, brainwashed athletes or other feeble-minded Black male celebs are doing or saying. Focus on your education, your goals/wants and your overall health. Best of luck and much love.

  2. Anonymous

    April 15, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    not be a bitch but everyone has preferences

  3. John

    April 16, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    I think your anger stems from the fact you are interpreting his preference for nonblack women as a rejection of YOU as a black woman. I wouldn’t be surprised if you low key liked this guy or found him mildly attractive. Hence, why you have a problem with his actions.

    • Nia Ashari Harris

      Nia Ashari Harris

      April 16, 2017 at 6:31 pm

      Or maybe I just have a problem with what he says and does because it’s rude and offensive? I said I don’t have a problem with interracial dating at all. However, I do have a problem with men who will disrespect black women and then date outside the race as a result. It’s rude. He has made it very clear that he doesn’t like black women. And I don’t take it as a personal attack on just me, but black women in general. That’s my identity so of course I’m going to be upset if someone speaks negatively about it, that’s common sense. I didn’t go into detail about this guy’s actions simply because putting him all the way on blast on the internet is petty. However, I can assure you the men I am interested in are nothing like him. I hope that clears up any confusion you may have about my feelings towards this person.

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