I know how hard it is to live with abusive parents whether it be physical abuse, mental abuse or both it’s really scary and lonely.
In a lot of cases, people feel like they have no one to turn to about these issues because people don’t take it seriously, dismiss it or whatever other reason someone may have. So the child feels neglected or dramatic, abuse in the home can lead to anxiety, depression and other issues even if they are not mental issues.
Parents are often not held accountable for these actions and they are disregarded because the child did this, because the child is a child, because the parent loves the child or whatever other reason. Whatever the reason, abuse is not acceptable — that doesn’t scream love to me.
People generally don’t know how to detect abusive relationships especially if the abuse is not physical. If you feel unsafe or unloved in your own home to turn to someone you love/trust be it a friend, a family member, a teacher, a counselor, a therapist, a doctor/nurse and more. If you wish to or have to protect your parent or family member then talk your way around the situation, it may not be ideal to not tell the whole truth but it may be necessary depending on your living situation.
I wish parents were more careful with how they interacted with children. The way a parent talks to a child becomes the child’s inner voice. Children pay a lot of attention to their families so what they see is how they learn right and wrong.
A person is not their families words, it’s hard to believe something if all you hear is the opposite. Before all else, trust yourself. Whatever your family does or says doesn’t matter, just go even harder because at the end of the day everything will work out in your favor. The ways things are will not matter forever, one day you will look back on the dark times from the light. You will be a much different person and I’m not saying that whatever happens is right because it’s not but it will make you stronger in the future.
It’s weird growing up thinking that whatever conditions you live in are okay and then growing to realize that it’s unhealthy. It’s extremely frustrating to change but watch your family stay the way they’ve always been especially if you’re shamed for it as if it’s not a good thing.
It’s hard to say well this isn’t okay if it has been normalized and you see it all the time like in other homes or in media. A lot of times when I’m scrolling through Tumblr and I read different people in the black community speaking on a lot of abusive things that are completely normal to us — we laugh and joke about it but every now and then someone goes wait a second this is abuse, this isn’t cool. A lot of times I’m watching a show or movie and I see abuse simple stuff like a child getting a beating or being told all they do is cause problems or they can’t do anything right. Even now talking about this I just wrote about abuse and said it was a simple example, I personally don’t think it’s okay; I think it’s very dangerous for abuse to be so normal. I watched two videos on twitter about this family that collectively bullies a young boy in the house I believe he may be 8-10, they “prank” him and act like he did it by yelling at him and putting their hands on him. In the first video, I saw the boy was pushed into a dresser and is later seen bleeding, it was heartbreaking. I don’t know the link or where to find the video but I hope that he gets the help and love that he deserves.
Whatever your situation you can’t let the world harden you, it’s important to stay soft. As you go through it, you can help yourself and others by being the person you needed when you were younger.
Communication is a very vital part of any relationship and in a lot of families, there isn’t communication or at least not where it counts. If there’s no communication then many actions or lack thereof will be perceived wrong resulting in negative outcomes.
For me, I had a lot of anger as a child and that came out, I’ve never been that great at hiding my emotions completely — I hold them to a degree but it’s almost always clear when there’s something wrong with me. So as I got older me being angry began to turn into me being nonchalant but the adults around me still perceived it as anger so I’m known to just have an attitude but we don’t communicate… and when we do what I say is disregarded or it’s not understood.
When you can’t find peace within others and in your home, you have to find peace within yourself. A person should always find peace within themselves first. Praying helps you can write down your prayers or you can just say them (aloud or in your head). Writing helps whether you’re writing poems, journaling, writing songs, or writing a story. However, you cope is up to you but the best way to cope is probably to talk to someone. Nobody deserves to feel unsafe in their own home or with their own family but I do not enforce the belief that people have to like their blood family. I think that family is about who you love, trust and care for and who loves, trusts and cares for you. I don’t think that people should be so heavily forced to connect with their blood family.