Real Life

Honoring My Dad on Father’s Day Without Him

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My dad passed away a little over four and a half years ago, yet I still feel the exact same heartbreak I felt the first couple days and the first year I lived without him in my life.

I can’t say my father was my best friend or that we had a fairytale relationship where everything was perfect, but I loved him dearly and I still do. He was far from perfect but he had many qualities I wish more people had.

My father was funny, charismatic and one of the most intelligent people I have met, he was giving and spent his life supporting and helping those in need no matter if they were family, friends or even a complete stranger. He told us a lot of bad jokes, he was a great person to talk about music with and even just about the world, he was amazing in my eyes and sometimes I feel the pressure to honor him the best way as possible even though I know I’m his little girl and he will love me regardless.

I believe like many before me that parenthood is a privilege. Of course, on Father’s Day, my heart and so many others feel a little heavier. My father might have passed away quite a while ago, but I don’t think even 30 years from now I will go on a day without thinking about the man who was my father.

I’m thankful for the few years I had the honor to walk along with my father, but I still wish I had a little longer to get to know thoughtfully the man who helped give me life. Even more when my mom and my grandmother remind me of how much I look like him, I can’t see the resemblance and I might be a little afraid the reason is I can’t truly remember him and I might even forget him but to be fair I don’t think that’s possible when you love someone, I can still feel his hugs, I can still smell his cologne and see his face if I close my eyes for a few seconds.

Father’s Day is not an easy day for everybody, the absence no matter the circumstances feels heavy to the heart and that ache never goes away completely,  it might be “muted” sometimes but then there’s a reminder, there’s a father-daughter waltz you can’t dance, there’s a present or a letter you can’t give physically or even a phone call you will never receive again.

Father’s Day is not necessarily the best day but it’s another opportunity to appreciate the time I spent with my dad, to honor him and cherish the memories and a gentle reminder to everyone who has a great, loving father to be appreciative of the amazing opportunity you have over so many people of being able to call your dad, celebrate special occasions and even hug him. Love your dad a little bit more in honor and representation of all of us who lost them.

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Catalina M. Gorbitz

Catalina is an 18 years old communications student who loves to read, write and old rock music.

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