For the first time in my life, I had to ask someone if I was a hater….. Here’s the context:
Pretty soon it’ll be time for me to head back to New York and start my sophomore year at NYU. And around the time most people are coming back, there’s a music festival in Brooklyn called Afropunk. It’s got a phenomenal line-up. I’m talking Solange, SZA, Kaytranda, Anderson Paak, and many more amazing artists. It’s basically every natural haired black girl’s dream lineup.
Anyway, I saw the lineup and, by instinct, I asked one of my closest friends if she wanted to go. I text her the lineup and she automatically tells me to tell her the dates. I tell her it’s on the 26th and 27th. She responds to me “hmm I don’t know, I might be doing something with my man.” I responded with a simple, “Ok lol” but in real life, I rolled my eyes and said, “And so it begins.”
For those of you who don’t know what I’m referring to when I say “it,” I’ll explain. But if you’re the single friend, nine times out of ten you already know what I’m talking about. By “it”, I mean the obsession with your significant other. Okay, couples here it is: you all just started dating, so you’re in the cupcake phase. From the outside looking in, it’s really cute. But the effects of the cupcake stage is, well, not so cute.
What effects, you ask? The distancing of yourself from your friends because you’re out with your boo, having your significant other be the only thing you talk about, or my favorite, the incessant texting and snap chatting your boo while we’re out. A lot of people don’t even realize that they’re doing it but it happens quite frequently. Sometimes it even becomes the reasons some friendships end. Remember Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag from The Hills on MTV? Heidi’s relationship with Spencer led to the demise of their friendship.
Is it really that hard to be in a relationship and continue your friendships as normal?
Reeling it back to my situation, as soon as I said, “And so it begins” out loud, it was immediately followed with me asking “Damn, am I a hater?” And of course I couldn’t answer it myself without being biased, so I had to ask other friends. I asked a single friend and a friend in a relationship. The answer was no, thank God. The single friend told me to cut her some slack because balancing having a man and friends is hard. I followed that with an, “Is it though?” And while I was being sarcastic at the time, that’s a serious question. Is it really that hard to be in a relationship and continue your friendships as normal?
My friend in a relationship said that she also gets annoyed when people act like they’ve forgotten they had friends before they were in a relationship. She also said that she understands that it can be annoying for her single friends so she tries not to neglect them. She said, “If before I was in a relationship I was going out to lunch with you on Mondays at 2:33 pm, then once I get in a relationship best believe that next Monday I will still be there. My boyfriend is just going to have to understand.” I loved that because it assured me I wasn’t crazy or asking for too much.
I’m not sure if something is wrong with me, but I just cannot get with the relationship program right now. I’m about to be 19 in less than a month and I am just not interested. I’m more interested in focusing on myself. I have weight to lose, acne to clear, and a GPA to raise. Some of my friends think I’m just impossible to please, but I don’t think that’s really true. I’m looking for a Trevor Noah type: intelligent, attractive, and funny. For now, I’m not looking to be swept off my feet anytime soon. I prefer to stay grounded.
Haterade aside, I’m all for love. In fact, I get more excited when my friends go on dates and stuff then when somebody tries to get at me. Seeing my friends happy makes me happy. But it does start to get a little repetitive after a while. All I’m asking for is one thing, and that is for you to chill out. You’re significant other is still going to be there if they’re really down for you, so don’t be scared to take a break from your boo every once and a while and make time for your friends who have been there since the beginning.
