High school has been over for me for some time now. I no longer walk in packed hallways with the odor of bad school lunches filling the air. I have lost contact with the majority of my senior class and almost completely forgotten my whole high school curriculum. Still, I am sitting here in my dorm room reminiscing about it all. I remember when I thought high schools was it. It was the highest point in my life and if I didn’t make it then, I never would. All the peer pressure and unsaid protocols on how to be a teenager made me feel like I wasn’t valuable.
Junior year was an especially trying time for me. I desperately wanted to fit in. I remember this particular winter night, when everything came crashing down. My friends and I had planned to sleep over at my house. Eagerly, I allowed them to plan everything in my house, giving them no limitations. That night, friends came over to enjoy the festivities.
As we were all settling in, one of my friends made it known that he had brought alcohol. After hearing this, we all huddled around the table like a pack of dogs who just noticed a slab of meat lying around. First, we played a rendition of beer pong, then moved on to less organized drinking and just took shots.That night was my first time getting drunk. I was throwing up while my so-called friends just watched.
The next day as I awoke with a hammering hangover, I began to think about the previous night. I thought about how stupid I looked, about how this wasn’t me and about how I did it all because I thought that I had to. High school is a place of intense peer pressure. It can make you feel like you are worthless if you don’t enjoy the same things as everyone else. Straying from the status quo can seem like the end of the world.
Since I’ve started college, the most drastic change I have noticed is that there is no social status. There aren’t any cool or lame people, there are just people. No one is judged based on the clothes they wear, the person they choose to sleep with or even for a personal choice not to drink. The lack of judgment in college allows you to learn about yourself. It creates an environment for you to experiment with your identity. I have done things like getting my nails done and joining the cheer team. These are things I would have never dared to do before.
Not being my complete self is something I now struggle to do. I look back to my high school self and am saddened by the fear I once had. I am writing this to inform everyone in high school that it gets better. Things change and the social hierarchy in high school doesn’t matter in the long run. The world isn’t as close-minded and your environment now doesn’t have to be your environment forever. Nothing is forever.
