Dear Closeted Me,
I know what you’re going through right now, and I know it’s very hard. You’re terrified, you’re angry, you hate yourself. You spend your days wondering : “What if they don’t accept me ? What if they reject me and I’m left all by myself ?” You’re not sure how long you can do this. You’re so sick of this burden, you’re tired of hiding who you truly are. You want to tell everyone you’re queer, you want to be proud of yourself. You want to let everyone know that this is you, you’re not afraid to show it and you’re not hiding yourself anymore. That’s enough, you think. You’re sick of being in the closet, but there’s so much fear. Is it really safe to come out now ?
And yet, here I am. Out and proud. I’m not going to lie, it will be hard. You will have to face the “are you sure, though ?” and the countless “personally, I think this is a phase, everyone gets a little confused at some point”. Oh, and let’s not forget the “so you’re like, half gay, half straight ?”. It will be annoying, at first. You will sometimes feel invalidated, like people judge you and don’t understand you. But then, you will start to care less, because the ones that truly love you will understand. Spoiler alert : you didn’t lose any friends because you’re queer. Almost all of them reacted better than you could ever imagine.
I promise you, it’s so relieving. You will feel so much better once you have said it. The first times will be the hardest. You will cry a lot – of relief, happiness and stress – but you’ll get many unexpectedly good reactions. You’ll even enjoy explaining what your sexuality means, and educating people about LGBT+ issues. People are surprisingly curious when it comes to queer questions and issues, most of the time in a positive way. And all your friends still love you, obviously. It didn’t change a thing for most of your relationships. In fact, when you came out, most of your loved ones were just glad to know a little bit more about you ! I have to make you aware of this, though : you’re not out to everyone yet. Your family doesn’t know, only your sister is aware – and she reacted really well ! It’s not entirely safe for you to be out to them yet, but it’s okay. You’ll do it, one day. For now, you’re taking it one step at a time.
But I promise you, you love yourself so much more than you used to. You will feel better, both in your body and your mind. Obviously, being out of the closet doesn’t mean the end of all your self-esteem issues, but it helps so much : you have accepted who you are, and you even feel proud. It’s so great, I promise. Of course, sometimes it’s still hard : you wonder why you get nasty comments sometimes, why everyone thinks it’s okay to comment on your sexuality and try to define who you are. But I guess this will go on for your entire life. After all, narrow-minded people and homophobes are everywhere, and you have to deal with it. It’s also a part of being queer, unfortunately. But I swear, finally feeling accepted and loved is so amazing, you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It’s amazing to be at peace with yourself, I can’t wait for you to experience it.
So for now, just hold on. I believe in you, you’re almost there.
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