A year ago I stumbled onto a YouTuber I had never heard of before’s story time. Her name is Kendall Rae, and she is a truly healthy body issues icon.
After watching more and more of her videos, which alternate between light-hearted make-up videos where she talks about her day or week and her fan-favorite conspiracy theory videos, and more serious topics – such as her struggle with body issues and an eating disorder, both of which she – thankfully – recovered from. She is happily married to her husband Josh, both of whom are healthy, happy plus-sized role models.
In her more serious videos, she talks about her body issues, and I – as well as many more people – could seriously relate to many of the things she said; not turning the lights on so I wouldn’t have to see how fat I was in the mirror, not weighing myself because I knew the number I saw would only make me hate myself even more, the list goes on. But she addresses how to healthily and respectively love your body. She talks of how her eating disorder, bulimia, affected her everyday life and her relationships. She speaks of the shame she felt and the secrecy she maintained surrounding what she did. Her words resonated with many, myself included as I have just in the past year fully recovered from my own eating disorder – binge eating disorder (BED) which I used to cope with my depression and anxiety. And then she spoke of her recovery. How her then boyfriend now husband Josh and her family and friends helped her through the process of recovery. She now lives a happy life, confident in her own body and as a role model for me and many of her fans.
Now for my story. I developed chronic depression that has lasted to this day after my parents separation (divorce in all but name) when I was very young. Once I realized the gravity of the situation, I turned to a terrible coping mechanism which evolved into an eating disorder; Binge Eating Disorder. I had this from about the age of 10 until the age of 15, last year, where after a two year process I was finally able to get my eating under control. It helped tremendously to discover Kendall Rae, because she was living, breathing proof that you can get over an eating disorder and still be happy and healthy. And for this I thank her. I thank her to the moon and back because I can positively say that without her inspiration I would most likely not have overcome this and beaten my obesity.
Very recently I was fortunate enough to be able to watch her live on YouNow, and she gave some very inspirational words. She said that no one is happy with their body. Everyone has one or two insecurities they’d like to change. And that’s when I realized she was completely right; mine just happened to be my weight. She also in that moment made me understand it all; It is perfectly okay to be plus-sized, but you have to be healthy. She spoke on other plus-sized icons, and their messages; How she respects them as plus-sized models, but not their messages. This struck me, because I completely agreed; you can be plus-sized and love yourself – she is living proof of this – but if you truly love yourself you must eat healthily. Because while it is not healthy to hate yourself and your body, it is, on the other hand, also not healthy to eat nothing but unhealthy foods just because you want it.
Another point she brings forward is that before you set out to lose weight, you should love yourself. This builds off the past argument, because you should be doing this for you. Not for acceptance, or to conform to society’s form of beauty, or for any other reason than for you. Because since you love and respect yourself so much you realize you are worth it, you are worth being healthy, working out, losing weight. Because you love yourself and want to respect and treat your body kindly.
Kendall has also broken the problematic haze that seems to block out males suffering from body issues and eating disorders in this nation and abroad, pointing out that men can have the same issues as women, and sometimes worse in this case just because they do not have a support group because it is heavily frowned upon for males to have any mental illness. Throughout her YouTube career, she has inspire me and many others to live happily and healthily as plus-sized people, and for this I want to give my truest, most honest and sincere gratitude. Because without your message, Kendall, myself and many others would still be suffering. So you go girl, make this place a better place, one video at a time. And thank you for turning my life around and truly saving my life.
