Content warning: mental health, suicide, self harm, abuse.
Hi. I’ve tried to kill myself. I joke about it. And it’s okay if you do, too.
What with the increasingly apathetic and dark-humoured nature of social media, many mentally ill teenagers have followed suit in their coping mechanisms. Freud would have called this “repression”, however in today’s day and age mental illnesses in the youth community have very quickly developed into a seemingly cold phenomenon.
Objectively, the world today is screwed up. There’s poverty, there’s racism, murder, misogyny, queerphobia: the typical look upon teens with mental issues as comparably irrelevant. Mental support is hard to find and hard to receive even when it is found – it’s not surprising to wait 18 months for a Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) referral in the UK and therapy sessions in the US can reach anywhere from $75-$300 per hour. Frankly, this is unacceptable, but there is not much we as adolescents can do. So what do we do? We find our own ways to cope.
In A Knight’s Tale, the character of Jocelyn states “I only laugh just to keep from weeping“. Contextually, the scene is not relevant, but the quote hits all too close to home for people like me.
We must laugh, otherwise we allow our mental health to consume and destroy us.
I’m not saying those of us who joke about our health don’t hurt; believe me, we hurt. I still have devastating panic attacks, I still have to shake off intrusive thoughts, I still have scars both mental and physical that make me sick to my stomach. I still have to live with the fact that I have lifelong trauma. No, this is not healthy. No, I’m not happy about it. But when I have had to climb out windows to avoid the therapist who only ridiculed me and sent me into further panic, I will reduce my suicidal urges to something as minor as missing the bus.
The thing is, by mocking ourselves, we desensitise ourselves to the real problems and give ourselves a sense of safety. When we are unable to receive “professional” help, we need to build ourselves walls around our hearts. Who knows when the next time someone shouts “You just got r*ped” in the school corridor will be? Because, let me tell you, they’re not going to be kind enough to wait until you’ve had it professionally “fixed”. My abusive ex, the reason I need this goddamned therapy in the first place, didn’t wait until I could control my panic until we bumped into each other on the train. We are desensitised so we can cope until we are able to access proper care.
Yes, it’s okay to laugh about killing yourself. It’s okay to exaggerate minor inconveniences if it helps you manage the bigger problems. You know that you understand the severity of your issue, and that is what counts. What is most important is staying alive and if you do that by browsing memes and saying you’ll “kys” because you stubbed your toe? You do you.
