Everyone romanticizes the concept of love and how it’ll be found, but in reality, if we’re speaking statistically, mathematic genius Peter Backus has discovered the science behind singledom – calculating that our chances of finding love are just one in 285,000.
Ask yourselves the following…
- On my worst days, will you be there to hold me and comfort me?
- Can I put aside my issues to love you through yours?
- Will you share the silence with me in the absence of words?
Because that in itself is the essence of love. Not entirely, of course, but those are indeed the fundamentals and if you can say yes to all of those without an addendum or second thought, then my best wishes are with you because what you have is rare and special.
However, for those of you who can’t say for sure that the person you’re with is 3/3 all of those, need to ask yourselves what he/she would do for you because you deserve the kind of love you give and vice versa.
If someone prioritizes you below materialistic things or is unable to love you when you need them, then the basic structure of your relationship is lacking. It’s like a table with 3 legs. Sure, you can stack a bunch of books and substitute the fourth leg, but the books can change. That permanent substitute for a sturdy fit is not there.
In reality, there is no ‘one true love’. Love is everywhere from your family to your friends to a significant other. That in theory alone defeats the concept of there being only ‘one love’. Now putting the spotlight on there being only one significant other, think of all the changes you went through upon growing up. Loving a certain color or book or band; you might have loved a certain shade of blue, let’s say cerulean but then you found turquoise and thought that was better; it complimented you more. While it may still be the same color, it’s a whole new shade on its own and while a whole human being cannot be compared to a palette, the fundamentals of caring can be because when you grow older you’ll realize that while you will always have a certain place in your heart for some things, others change.
You become more and more different as you grow and that results in you loving different things and it also results in you looking for different things in other people and in your career paths and in general, in your life. And that’s okay. Not having something stick the way you hoped it would with someone is okay because sometimes you need to let things go and search for better opportunities when you’re in a better place and when the timing is right.
There will never really be one opportunity. There will be plenty.
You need someone that will love you for who you are and someone that will make you feel better about yourself and make you want to be a better version of yourself. You need someone that will love you through your darkest times and share the silence with you when you aren’t really sure what to say.
Never settle for less than what you’re capable of giving because love isn’t settling. Love is giving and receiving your all. It’s putting yourself out there even when it seems like the world has turned on you and it’s the dead of night and your mind is racing just as fast as your ticking heart. Love isn’t limited by ethnicity or gender or religion. Love is realizing that you don’t have to forget who you are or empty your pockets of your dreams just to accustom another person’s. It’s being you to its fullest extent.
So yes, you may have to try more than once. It may even be a couple of attempts before you find the one but don’t give up. You owe it to yourself to be a little careless and wild. You owe it to yourself to be a little selfish sometimes because life is too short to not love what you do and that includes loving the company you keep.
