50 Shades of Domestic Abuse (Again)

By this point, all of us have heard of E.L. James’ bestselling erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey. Since the latest movie instalment ‘50 Shades Darker’ comes out soon (February 7th 2017) I thought, I’d address the fundamental issues of the first movie/book I encourage as many people to share in my belief that the whole series takes BDSM 40 shades too far and has resulted in the romanticization of abuse -in both adults and children- both mentally and physically, rape culture and borderline possession.

“Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic romance novel by British author E. L. James. It is the first installment in the Fifty Shades trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey.” (Synopsis)

Let’s start with the plot line and explore how this ‘erotic romance’ leads to a 21-year old graduate Anastasia Steele, becoming the submissive partner of 27-year-old businessman Christian Grey.

Anastasia, covering for her friend who is sick, agrees to interview the very impressive Mr. Christian Grey, (the owner of a high regarded company). This being the first of the many meetings.

The red-flags:

• No disregard for consent in their ‘mutual agreements’.

“ ‘No’ I protest, trying to kick him off. He stops, ‘If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you’.”

Call me crazy but the idea of consent is that ‘no’ means no at any given point. You have the right to not want to do something either before, during or after the act if you do not feel comfortable with it. The fact that he not only ignores her distaste for continuing, but threatens to gag her is disgusting.

•  Add verbally abusive to the roster of thing that Christian Grey is.

“Christ, Ana! He bangs his fist on the table, making me jump, and stands so abruptly he almost knocks the dining chair over. ‘You have one thing, one thing to remember. Sh*t! I don’t f****ng believe it. How could you be so stupid?”

Quite the gentleman am I right? I totally see the appeal to make this movie a Valentine’s Day must-watch. Who wouldn’t want to be an emotional punching bag? No one. No one wants to be treated with such little respect. Trash is handled with better care. It’s gross and insulting.

• Stalking?

“Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone – remember?“

Last I checked women are not your property. Men can’t believe or like they can just retrace their steps and get them back like a misplaced car key. You cannot claim possession of a person let alone track their phone. It’s insane. This is the reason we have restraining orders!

It is beyond wrong to call this series anything short of disgusting. Liberating poor, incomplete, broken Christian is not worth it if it results in the hurting of Anastasia in the process. Yes they are fictional characters but this situation is not uncommon in the real world.

Here’s the reason movies like these should not be applauded for their ‘romantic appeal’. Abuse victims rarely ever see themselves as abuse victims until they are are too far gone. They attempt to live with their partner because they love them deeply and in doing so, attempt to ‘salvage’ their partner and eliminate the bad aspects of them. While this may seem noble and courageous, it’s often very damaging for both parties. It is not until abuse victim let’s go of the facade that they realize the toxicity of their relationship and can truly start to rebuild their lives and find real love. The type that they deserve, the kind that is actually reciprocated.