As a response to a new Oklahoma bill requiring the consent of a partner to get an abortion, lawmakers across the Divided States of America have joined together to unite in the future of reproductive health. New NC Governor, Roy Cooper, says “rape is a big issue so we decided to try to minimize it as much as possible, we are now requiring everyone who engages in sexual intercourse have the explicit written consent of their partner, these documents will be kept on file.” This law should reduce the number of rape accusations and protect the people who are in a sexual relationship. When passed in each respective state, this bill will take away speculation as to whether a woman had been raped or not so she may get an abortion without prosecution.
A college student, Sydney, says “I think this law protects us all, so now I don’t have to justify why I want an abortion, so if I get one everyone will just know I was assaulted. This avoids the public embarrassment and it is much needed.” Another student from UNC Chapel Hill, which has an extremely high rate of rape and sexual assault said, “this bill is a mighty smart idea, now instead of asking a girl if she actually wants to have sex with me, I can just get her signature. You know it’s kinda hard to tell if a girl wants to fuck you, you know man? I mean like sometimes they say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ but you can tell she still wants it and then you get called a rapist for giving her what she wanted.” Brad has a point, this protects both the potential rapist and the potential victim. This will provide the man written documentation of a sexual encounter, and the woman evidence that consent was not given in the case of rape.
Software developers are now working on an app that allows the user to keep a digital copy of all their sexual partners’ names and signature, to simplify the process. This would also be a useful tool to keep track of sexual activity for medical reasons. It may also assist in the slow of sexually transmitted infections. Overall the law is expected to be a success that ensures the safety and well being of all sexually active persons.
This is a false news story, this is satire. For more information on sex and consent please visit onlywithconsent.org.
