.I’m me. I’m myself, and myself is Ladan Savar. Officially I’ll be 16 by May…..16 years already? This may not seem like a lot to someone who’s 86, 25 or any other age, but a lot has happened throughout those years. Now I’m not going to start all the way from the beginning, because who knows how long this story will end up being. I’ll begin at the age of 12, around 6th grade, I remember entering middle school as one person then graduating as another. Throughout middle school I didn’t quite know who I was or where I belonged, so I would jump from one clique to another. I even spent the majority of seventh grade trying to be “popular”, trying to hang out with people who couldn’t care less about me. It wasn’t just trying to have friends in middle school, but trying to look good or at least good looking. I always use to tie my hair back in a ponytail because I was so embarrassed of showing my curly hair, and then it got to the point where I would constantly straighten my hair. I wished and wished for straight hair, and so I tried to be someone else, to look like someone else. You could definitely say I had some self-esteem issues, but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I just knew throughout middle school, I never truly loved myself, and not loving yourself is probably the worst heartbreak. It was also the fact that I didn’t surround myself with people that could have brought the best out in myself.
As we move towards high school things start to change up a bit. I matured a lot more, and realized I can’t rely on others to tell me who I am or how I should act. Near the middle of ninth grade I got this feeling of wanting to wear my hair curly more often, but I was still too embarrassed to go to school with curly hair. Slowly accepting my hair, I was finally pushed out of my comfort zone by my friends and started wearing my hair curly. I can’t even begin to explain how much better it made me feel, no more straightening, curling, or blow drying, I was done. But this was just the beginning, I stopped depending on others to know what to wear and how to dress.
I went and changed my whole style, and bought clothes that I thought were cool and fashionable. It wasn’t about what others thought of me anymore, it’s about what I think of me. Yes, I’ll agree that freshmen year was a huge change for the better, yet I wasn’t completely fulfilled. It wasn’t exactly the happiest point in my life there were some downsides, I suddenly discovered that I was having panic attacks. It got to the point that I had to go to the hospital, and see a therapist. Now this isn’t as scary as it sounds, my therapist never gave me medicine to control my anxiety. She helped me by using tapping acupuncture, not with needles but tapping with your finger tips. Since then I haven’t had a panic attack, I learned that spiritually we are our own healers at times. I also learned that I’m not the only one that deals with anxiety, there are so many more people dealing with it. If you’re reading this and you also deal with anxiety, I want you to know that I understand what you’re going through, and that this isn’t forever. Get as much help as you need, because no one should go through their whole life struggling. It may be difficult now but please believe me that it will get better.
I’ll tell you though by the time sophomore year started I felt so much better, about life and about myself. When you truly start to love yourself, you begin to share your happiness with others as well. Wanting to give out compliments whenever, making new friends, or making people laugh and smile. It all starts with yourself, don’t be afraid to talk to that one girl or guy, because they may think you’re weird or not cool enough. Or not compliment that one person’s shoes because your afraid of what they’ll say. We all know we’ve had that moment when you look at another person and just wish you had their clothes, shoes, or friends etc. But don’t let it eat you up inside, we’re all just people and we go through it all. We may not act like it but it’s true, and what if the same person that you were afraid to talk to or compliment, was afraid to go up and talk to you. Just remember you never know what’s going on in someone’s mind or life. You may just be the one person to brighten up their day. I guess in different ways we all have our flaws, our mistakes and secrets, but isn’t that what we share as people. Don’t ever be scared to be who you want, dress how you want, and say what you want. We can’t spend our lives on a narrow path, and people may say to think outside the box; but what you should do is think like the box doesn’t exist! It’s time to start loving life and loving yourself, there may be darkness but there is also light. And all I can say is that, eventually the sun will rise.
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