I’ve lived in many different states. One of the concepts I’ve never quite grasped is the ability to live in one area your entire life, and for the generations after to do so as well. This is an occurrence I noticed especially in the current city I’m living in. With all the states I’ve lived in, I’ve been exposed to several different schools, which have all shared a certain quality— their whiteness. Now, I mean a few different things with this. One, is their extreme lack of diversity— I was lucky if I saw one or two people of color in any of my classes. The same went for my teachers.
I had a three Latinx teachers in elementary school, and a Black PE teacher my freshman year. And since then? Nada. Don’t even get me started on the curriculum. White authors, and white men of history. This was something that never used to bother me. I’d been fine with having all white friends, fine knowing absolutely nothing about my culture, and fine and even enjoying when people would tell me I acted “white”, as if this was the greatest compliment you could give a young person of color. “Ghetto” was probably the greatest insult that could be given to me. I didn’t want anything to do with anything that was considered “black”. I yearned to have lighter skin, straighter hair, and attention from white males, just like my friends were.
Not only did I attempt to deny my blackness, I hated it. This isn’t just a mindset you can be rid of instantly. It takes time; I’m still learning to love who I am, but I am proud to say that I’ve come very far. I can thank social media partially for that. I discovered places that celebrate people of color, and places that made me angry about the injustice we face. I’ve learned that it’s the differences that make me unique, and though society will continue to ridicule and despise me for them, I will continue to fight for and embrace them. My skin color is not a crime. And neither is my gender, my sexuality, or my body type.
This is for anyone who’s felt any sort of self-loathing for their differences. It’s hard, and it takes everything in your being to love yourself, but just know that self love is achievable. I know I can’t identify with everyone, as a cisgender, heterosexual female, but I can tell you that it’s possible to learn to love yourself, even with the current environment you’re in. Sure, I still go to school where the majority of the students are white, but I’ve stopped denying and learned to adore my blackness. It’s awesome. It’s amazing. It’s beautiful, and you are too.
Comments are closed.