When prompted about abuse, most people automatically presume physical violence. They visualize clenched fists, swinging legs, and bruises. Most of the time, however, they won’t think of mental anguish and manipulation and hidden tears. Abuse is a word today’s society has linked to physical punches. But what about the bruises we don’t see?
In terms of a relationship, abuse pertains to two things: physical and emotional. Neither are nearly depicted enough, but it’s often the latter that is twisted into some romantic thing it definitely is not. There has never been a physically abusive fictional relationship that did not end in justified flames. Emotionally abusive, however, is a different story.
Perhaps one of the most prominent love stories that romanticizes emotional abuse is Twilight. In the vampire love story, the male lead, Edward, takes advantage of Bella and her low self-esteem, commanding her every move and isolating her from others. He makes it nearly impossible for Bella to leave him, making her feel guilty when he’s denied of something. He’s also extremely possessive and violent when it comes to jealousy, and he practically stalks Bella throughout the first installment of the Twilight series. (And to think I actually liked this guy back when Twilight was in the limelight.)
Twilight remains an iconic story even several years later, and that fact is actually a little frightening. A lot of people swooned over Edward and Bella’s relationship, crying when they fought and pouting with sighing hearts when they didn’t. The issue is, there is nothing romantic about their relationship. In fact, Edward and Bella’s relationship is quite the opposite. Edward takes advantage of Bella. Bella is a victim. It is not romantic. It’s toxic.
Twilight isn’t the only story that glorifies emotional abuse. Aimee and Sutter in the popular movie The Spectacular Now, Ezra and Aria in Pretty Little Liars, even Ross and Rachel in Friends. All of these relationships are viewed as romantic, beautiful because of their specific hardships, goals. It physically exhausts me to know this. These relationships are toxic in every way of the word, manipulative and abusive. And yet each story presents the relationship as something to aspire to. Entertainment is glorifying emotionally abusive relationships, and it seriously needs to stop.
So how do you spot an emotionally abusive, or toxic, relationship? (It doesn’t have to be romantic. Friends can take advantage of you, too.) For starters, if the person is manipulating you in any way. That is, loving you one minute, then making you feel guilty the next. If the person is making you feel you have to apologize when you know you’ve done nothing wrong, the relationship is definitely abusive. Moreover, if they’re possessive over you and isolating you from friends and family, they’re taking advantage of you. Constant put-downs and violent acts of jealousy. Essentially, everything Edward from Twilight does.
It’s important we educate people what an emotionally abusive relationship actually is, and that it’s not just a few bumps in the road of a relationship. There is a difference between struggle and purposeful manipulation. Break the silence of glorifying emotional abuse. Point it out in your favorite TV couples, report it if it lives within your own relationship. Educate. Let’s just agree, as a community, to stop accepting couples like Edward and Bella or Ross and Rachel as anything more than toxic.
