When the subject of feminism is brought up we tend to point fingers at men, calling them out on their double standards towards women, the wage gap, the high expectations e.c.t. This all, of course, is a vital discussion and necessary to move our society forwards in a positive direction. However, the other vital and necessary subject that a lot of people, particularly women, forget to mention is the naturally instilled, on going battle between the ladies themselves. Where does this competition come from?
We watch it in movies (mean girls). We see it on TV (any reality TV show, ever). We read about it in glossy magazines (“Who wore it better?”). It seems everywhere we go women are constantly being pitted against one another, in every walk of life. The recent debate I’ve seen circulating the twitter universe was ANTI vs Lemonade, the latest album releases from two both well-known women. Why don’t we ever compare two pieces of work from male musicians, or at least not nearly as often? Is it impossible to appreciate two projects created by women equally, at the same time? Is there not enough room in the ‘appreciation bank’ in our heads? It’s just another way to enforce the idea that women can’t get along because of our “irrational mentalities” or because of our “hormones,” therefore, another excuse for men to belittle us and not give us the respect we truly deserve, not because we’re women but because we’re human beings. This recent debate got me thinking about my own interactions with women, questioning why I feel the way I do about my fellow females. I like to think I’m quite supportive of my gender, silently applauding any woman who is successful in her field, no matter what she is doing. But with all honesty, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t experienced my own woman vs woman competition.
I’ve never gotten on with women as well as I have men, my best friend for a long time was a man, simply platonic, where we just talked about anything and everything. For a long time I dwelled on this thought, wondering if I was doing anything wrong, wondering if I came off too strong or too mean to be friends with. But coming to terms with everything I think about myself and how other women may see me, I understand that I’m just another player in this competitive system. It took me years to unlearn what I thought about women, to get rid of my natural cynical mentality and replace it with support and love, the things I would like to receive from other women, because let’s be completely honest, men are great, but you can’t beat a coffee date and a meaningful conversation with another woman who truly understands and connects with you. At the end of the day, it’s just natural for us to feel threatened by each other, that’s what we were raised to think for the last how many years. Being at a house party is like being in the wild, hunting for a mate. You’re all trying to get with the hottest male there so naturally we’re keeping a watchful on the ladies around us, but we shouldn’t think this way. The one thing I admire about men is their unspoken brotherhood, even if they just met they can come together in unison, crack open a beer and chill like they’ve known each other for years. This is not the case with women, unfortunately, we are a little bit harder to crack. We test, trivialise and query each other before we even so much as invite each other for drinks because we’re naturally so intimidated by one another, but why?!
If I say this once I could say it one million times. If another woman is beautiful, it does not mean that you aren’t. If another woman is successful, it does mean that you are not. If another woman is happy in her relationship, it doesn’t mean you can’t be either. Race, religion, beliefs aside, we’re all just women with one common goal, a discrimination free world where our daughters can grow up safely without fear of being pressured by the high expectations that are put upon us. We should all be supporting each other, not adding to the double standards that men have created, we all get enough of that. The saying “women could rule the world, if only we stopped hating each other” comes to mind, and it’s slightly true, except women do rule the world.
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