TW: This articles has mentions of rape and rape culture.
We often assume nothing will ever happen to us… until it does. Last night I spent three hours on the same Facebook post arguing for my rights as a female. My rights to be the face of my own revolution. Here in Brazil, tension has risen regarding female rights and rape culture. Women have taken matter upon their own hands to voice their anger, disgust, and sadness on social media regarding the ways women are treated here. Our country still sees Feminism as a rather aggressive, extremist movement. Feminist, Brazilian women are often labeled as lesbians, rebels without a cause, or just really cranky women that hate men. While we have often put up with if calmly, educating our population on the movement, yesterday took a turn we can no longer be peaceful about.
This nation-wide debate was triggered by the gang rape of a 16 years old girl in Rio de Janeiro. Over 30 men were accused of raping the teenager, recording, and publishing the video online, showing the victim’s bleeding genitalia while making jokes about her unconscious state. While two Twitter accounts were identified, one being taken down while the other deleted all of its content regarding the assault, the internet was quick to take screenshots of both men, making the case nationally known. Twitter hashtags and Facebook posts were soon worldwide, major media outlets reporting on Brazil’s rape culture.
The shocking case unified the female population on a movement against rape culture. Several Facebook filters were created as a demonstration of support. It was rather moving seeing Brazil unite against an atrocity. While we’ve always had public figures gaining attention through confessions and rape jokes, what scares me the most is seeing men I live with everyday carry the same mentality. We often see ridiculously sexist comments made by extremist politicians and parody accounts online, but we never expect to see our own friends following such agenda.
My friend, and active feminist, made a post on her Facebook page voicing her opinions regarding men that were changing their own Facebook profiles in support of the fight against rape culture. In her post, she asked men not to overshine women in this movement. She asked men to support, but to let women be the face against a system in which we are the oppressed. One of our male friend was prompt to voice his own opinion, claiming that one did not have to be a feminist in order to support the movement. While my friend did describe the movement as a “feminist fight,” she only asked men to allow us women to be the protagonists.
I saw myself in a position in which I could not be silent, two people I know, one being a friend a care for deeply, could not seem to agree on something that, to me, seemed so simple. As the three of us went back and forth, more people joined, and that’s when the problem began. I’ve always heard about men ganging up on women, using derogatory terms as means of assuring their own superiority in order to win an argument, but I had always thought it was an exaggeration of hypermasculinity. I can now assure you that it is most definitely not.
Three hours, over 160 comments later, there was only one conclusion I could reach: men are the fragile sex. We are told to never generalize, to respect each individual. However, while I spent hours attempting to, very politely, ask for protagonism on a movement advocating for women, I was compared to whales, told I had to wash the dirty dishes and labeled as an extremist that did not respect others’ ideals. The conversation started among three women and two men, both sides exposing their arguments peacefully. That was until a third men joined with his misogynistic jokes and generalization of women. Both men that were previously set on voicing their own opinions turned into monsters, continuously sharing jokes, laughing at us for taking them seriously. All we wanted was to be the face of our own movement, but instead, we were once again silenced, our arguments turned into jokes.
Men, we do not wish for greater separations. We do not wish for men to be as oppressed as we have been our entire lives. We do not hate you. However, we do ask that you allow us to star feminist movements. All of you are more than welcome to support us, fight with us, but don’t overshine us. Don’t turn our movements into yet another moment of glory for men. We need to let women voice their own movements, we need to respect female representation. We want you to join us, we want you to stand behind us, support us, but don’t assume we need you in order to legitimize our movement. We are not alone, we have each other.
