I sit motionlessly by my window, the quavering of my hands parallel to my shaking fear. I close my eyes tight, still faced far out beyond the layer of glass that separates me from the rest of this monstrous world, hoping that when I open them, everything will be back to normal, just how grandma prophesied in the harsh winters of 1967. But when I do manage to peel my eyelids apart, nothing has changed. Chaos still dominates the sky. God is still distraught by his loss. We shouldn’t have trusted them. We gave them their freedom they were entitled to and now look… They’ve done it again, but this time, it’s a million times worse…
The rainbow. They’ve stolen God’s rainbow!
Worst example of cultural appropriation ever: LGBTs stole the rainbow from God. It’s his. He invented it. Gen. 9:11-17. Give it back.
— Bryan Fischer (@BryanJFischer) 2 April 2017
How dare they? The Bible clearly states that the Rainbow is God’s and His only. Genesis 9:11-17. “When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” Now how can I ever feel close to God again! The same God who put on Earth, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” It is a damn good thing that the homosexuals are not people nor good enough to be considered animals even. There is only one lowly adjective I can use to define them; thieves. First, they steal their human rights back from us. Then, they steal the prestige we once held over the word ‘Pride’. And now, now they are stealing the chromatic spectacles that refract through water vapor to produce a temporary band of seven vivacious colors from our sky!
Oh, how I remember the fruitful days of my childhood when all rainbows meant was that the rain had gone and the sun was out, featuring in all my toddler masterpieces. These happy memories crumble under today’s black light as all around me, the homosexuals are using a token of my connection with God to propagate their revolting campaign for equal rights and equal treatment for everyone, regardless of who you want to love. How utterly and unfathomably scandalous!
Will life ever be the same again? Will God smite us all for letting them steal what was not theirs? Now the sky has been drained of color, I must find a way to live a new life. Now that the homosexuals have won, I, an angry self-loathing insecure cynic, must find a new group of innocent people to target. Who next?
Please note: Stealing celestial or meteorological phenomenons (all of which are provided by God) to symbolize a group of people in society is only lawful if it is done by heterosexuals, in any context. This includes using as many as fifty or so stars to represent a nation, which can commonly be seen on the infamous American flag.
