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I Translated Trump’s Tweets So You Don’t Have To

Donald Trump is undoubtedly many things: a bigot, easily offended, a curious shade of orange, but he is perhaps most notably one thing: obsessed with Twitter. He speaks, and word goes out to 40.2 million people –excluding the followers I have a strong suspicion that he bought to seem more famous. But it’s common knowledge now that when Donald Trump says things, it’s most likely in a low-self esteem induced cry-scream session. You know, the type every 71-year-old President has.

So I translated some of his tweets so you don’t have to.

What He Says:

What He Means:

“I realize it’s embarrassing to me that I, a grown man, am invested in a teeny-bopper Hollywood relationship. I know! I’ll look WAY more mature if I give the guy relationship advice. Me: Mr. Two Failed, One Barely Working Marriage. I’m so smart.”

What He Says:

What He Means:

“I think the media is starting to catch on to how insecure I am. NO ONE CAN KNOW!!!”

What He Says:

What He Means:

“Please enjoy my “gentrification bowl” with a side of “cheap apology for my clearly racist ideology”! My stupid PR agent is making me do this.”

What He Says:

What He Means:

“It’s so mean! Why would they say that! The guy who sold it to me said that no one would be able to tell the difference!”

What He Says:

What He Means:

“If I admit it was a typo, they’re gonna think I’m an idiot! So, if I make it seem like it was intentional, no one will ever know! I’m so smart. I think I deserve a cookie.”

America, I think you’ll agree with me when I say that it’s just so comforting to know that Donald Trump, the man that was head-over-heels invested in Twilight drama, also has access to the nuclear codes.

He’ll sub-tweet Kim Jong Un and Colin Kaepernick to his heart’s content, and possibly cause the federal government to collapse the same day. And if he does, expect a tweet blaming the “haters & losers” shortly after.

Featured Image: Akhia.com

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