Written by Ava
From birth, girls are taught what the “ideal” girl should be. Don’t wear too revealing clothes, but not too modest either. Don’t sleep with too many guys, but don’t be a virgin. Don’t wear too much makeup, but don’t wear none at all. Don’t be too loud or swear too much. You must fit the Eurocentric, whitewashed beauty standards. All these things and more being forced upon girls creates a vicious pattern of criticism, and a set of standards girls hold themselves and others at to see if they are meeting society’s standard of a “perfect girl”.
Pressure is put on girls to meet this standard, if they don’t meet these standards you are shamed and ridiculed. This pressure, (especially felt by girls of color, who face the intersection of racism and sexism) results in the slandering of other women when they do not meet or defy the patriarchal idea of what a girl should be–this is known as internalized misogyny, It’s a common problem among women of all ages, especially teenagers. It is a dangerous concept because the criticism that arises is not only hurtful but deeply rooted in sexism and the patriarchy. Here are 4 common forms of misogyny to watch out for:
1. “I’m not like other girls”: Usually this statement is followed by something that rejects the typical idea of “femininity”, such as ‘I wear converse’. Girls are taught that if they stray away from what society defines as feminine, then they will be seen as “cool” or “quirky” and that makes them better than girls who do typically “feminine” things. Girls, if you prefer to wear sneakers, great! But it doesn’t make you better than someone who wears 5-inch heels. Don’t shame other girls for their choices. Embrace your differences and uplift each other.
2. Calling other women bitches: Often times, a woman is called a “bitch” for expressing her opinions or holding a position of power. When a woman uses this word against another woman she is pressuring her to remain inside the confines of a society that says she should be the patient, peaceful companion. She is slandering her for something men are never given criticism for (hmm, double standard much?).
3. Slut-shaming: Something seen time and time again, slut shaming is used against a woman when she expresses her sexuality in a way that goes against patriarchal standards. Slut shaming often attacks women for being sexually active or dressing in “revealing” clothing, two things men are not shamed for. When a woman slut shames another woman, she is placing her inside the patriarchy’s expectations of what is acceptable and what is not. She is degrading and shaming someone for making their own choices and owning their sexuality, something women never slander men for.
4. “Feminists make me ashamed to be a girl”: Usually when a girl says this, she is looking for male validation. She is putting herself on the level of someone who will not respect her rights, or her as a human being. Girls, you deserve much better than a man who believes that statement (and certainly don’t need validation from any man).
Internalized misogyny is something ingrained into all girls at birth. It’s oppressive, constraining, and harmful to ourselves and the people around us. Ladies, it is time to stop subjecting ourselves to the offensive and unrealistic standards set by society. There is no correct way to be a girl, and there is no such thing as the ‘ideal’ girl, despite what everyone tells us. Ending internalized misogyny is a team effort. Girls need to be there to love and embrace each other’s different lifestyles and choices. Together we can create a community of support and empowerment!
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