Written by Alex Reaves
The set-up is familiar: a kid does something bad and their parents deal out righteous corporal punishment. On black twitter and social media in general, there’s a running joke about getting beaten by your parents. It’s usually light-hearted, meant as a comedic punchline about a shared childhood experience. While it can be funny, it also masks a very real, very serious problem.
In the black community hitting your children, whether it be with your bare hands, an extension cord or (my mother’s favorite) a belt, is seen as a necessary nuisance. The adults in my life were convinced that without the threat of physical retribution, children were as good as ruined. “Spare the rod, spoil the child,” they would say, the only justification they needed.
They’re not the only ones who feel this way. Research has shown that black Americans are most likely to use corporal punishment on their children. Why the rates are so high is anyone’s guess. Some suggest that the violent roots of American slavery established a tradition of physical abuse within the black community, while others point to religious ideology. Whatever the case, all that’s known is if you’re a black kid in America, you’ve probably been hit by your parents.
Of course, I like many other view a distinction between a harmless spanking and full out abuse. However the frequency of whoopings and their wide acceptance within black American culture can blur that fine line. When you see all your peers going through the same thing, you assume that your situation is normal. Regardless of how many bruises began to crawl across your skin and how violently your hands shake when you’re around your parents, you think the abuse is something to be expected.
Therein lies my concern with this attitude. I fear that there are children suffering at the hands of their parents who choose to hide their pain. Living under the belief that the abuse dealt to them is common and therefore acceptable, they remain silent, stuck in toxic environments. I, too, was of this mindset for many years until I began to realize that what happened to me was wrong. After so much time under these conditions, my boundaries became warped and broken, though not beyond repair. Reestablishing what’s appropriate and what’s not is an arduous task, but one I’m willing to take.
I believe it’s possible to discipline a child without leaving physical or emotional scars that take years to heal. Sadly, many parents don’t share this view. The black community must have a conversation about its use of corporal punishment. Otherwise, another innocent child will have to endure mistreatment, unaware that their lives don’t have to be that way.
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