Men are depicted, in our society, as wanting sex all the time, from anyone who will give it to them. That’s why victims of female-on-male rape are almost always dismissed. But their issue is all too real.
This all springs from the demonized notion of men as crazy sex animals, and that they probably, deep down, wanted and enjoyed the harassment. Say that to a woman, see how well that blows over. But with genders reversed, no one seems to take it seriously, or asks the terrible question that’s a no-no in male-on-female rape: Well why didn’t you fight back? But it is not that simple. If a woman is intoxicated, and a man takes advantage of her, it’s rape. Plain and simple. But reverse the genders in your head. What do you see? You probably think the whole notion is completely ridiculous, right? But it’s all too true. There are a plethora of men who have shared their stories, saying the were at parties, intoxicated, and a girl had sex with them despite their protests. The girls took advantage of the guys due to their current state of mind, but no one thinks twice about it. Most of the guy’s friends will ask him for the ‘details’ and ‘congratulate’ him. Most girls will say “Oh, but I’m sure she didn’t hold you down. You should’ve just fought back.” They’ll say he was asking for the sex to happen. Reverse the genders with that last statement; how well would that blow over?
People will point out that the man should’ve just pushed her off. After all, it’s easier to do in a male’s position, right? No. Just think of all the things said in this article and apply them to girl rape victims. Terrible, right? Yes. And it’s based off the assumption that a guy should be able to fight off some girl. (Which by the way is a very sexist things for girls to say because the assumption presumes girls are weaker than guys, and thus able to be overpowered easily, but hey) And the reason this is wrong, is because most female-on-male rape victims are drunk. Like really drunk. A drunk person would not be able to fight off a full-grown adult. And think about it. If a man fights back, and bruises the girl, what will happen in court? The girl will show her bruises, the man will say he did in fact beat her, but only because she was raping him, the judge will call bullshit, and the man will go to jail. And all this because of one simple reversal: the genders.
And many will claim that female-on-male rape is ‘uncommon’ and male-on-female happens way more. And although statistics from 2003 seem to show this, with only 10% of rape being female-on-male (and most of those being assumed to be another guy doing the rape) it is very, very wrong. More recent studies have shown something completely and drastically different; a 2012 study showed that 88% of rape happens to men, with half those numbers being female-on-male. This has come around because researchers decided to stop using words like ‘overpowered’ or ‘physically intimidated’ and using more masculine terminology. The problem here is that the word ‘rape’ brings the image of a man threating a woman with a gun in a dark alley, like in movies. But the reality is much different. The reality is most rapes are date rapes. That’s right, the same problem that plagues women plagues men. But almost no men come forward, because society treats it like one huge joke.
In fact, up until 2012 male rape victims weren’t even included in the DOJ’s definition of rape. Even then, it is very hard for men to prove in court they were raped, many unique to men. And even if a man wins a case against a woman, it’s nearly always classified as sexual assault– a lesser crime than rape, with a lesser sentencing. And under the law, if a woman rapes a man, the man still has to pay her child support! Not to mention the fact that if an underage man reports the case, he will most likely be charged with a good old case of statutory rape. These are even represented in media, with films like Wedding Crashers showing the rape of men by attractive females as humorous.
In addition, there is the issue of young men and teens being raped. This especially an issue because if adult men’s voices aren’t being heard at all, imagine how much their voices are being heard. The most recent example being Alexandria Vera, raped her 13 year old male student and got released the same day she turned herself in on a $100,000 bail. No jail time. People told the boy he was lucky, and he was legend. Adrianne Hockett, raped her student for seven months, and got 10 years probation and a $100,000 fine, later receiving an extra 180 days in prison. Gabriela Compton, raped a 14 year male old student and then a 13 year old student, got off with lifelong probation and having to register as a sex offender. Debra Lafave, raped a 14 year old male student, got off with three years house arrest. These are just a few of many, but the point is that female rapists get punished far less often and far less severely than their male counterparts. All this not to say men don’t get off easy, but women (especially white women) get off far easier.
What is worse, is that people try to compare the two issues. The point is to show empathy equally, not to one or the other. People will say to male testimonies or demands for justice or legal protection against female predators, “But women have it worse. Don’t play that card.” To crush someone’s experience like that, so filled with ignorance and invalidation is terrible. Both groups deserve justice. Both groups deserve empathy, and support. Both groups can be victims.
