You know the feeling. That feeling when you see a queer character on tv portrayed in a positive light, when you see them in healthy relationships with members of both the same and opposite sex. And just when you think they’re finally about to say it, the elusive b-word… suddenly they’re just “not interested in labels” and aren’t “defined by their relationships”.
Why is it fine for gay or lesbian characters to proudly proclaim their sexual orientation onscreen, but bi- and pansexuals seem to be allergic to labels? Why do writers constantly perpetuate the idea that people attracted to multiple genders don’t exist? The 100’s Clarke has never openly identified as bi because, according to Jason Rothenberg, there are no labels in the show’s post-apocalyptic setting. Faking It refuses to openly address Amy’s sexuality even after two whole seasons, still claiming she is discovering herself. The worst offender remains Orange Is The New Black, with Piper never self-identifying as bi and constantly referred to as either straight or gay depending on her partners’ gender. Not only do these characters see their sexual & romantic orientations constantly invalidated by others around them, but they also become self-effacing in denying themselves an identity.
I don’t think labels are always necessary, or intrinsically a good thing. If someone feels confined rather than liberated by them, if someone sees them as “sticking themselves in a box”, they have every right not to adhere to socially constructed terms. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to live without questions or confines. But human beings naturally label and organise everything in their minds to make sense of things – even themselves. So I don’t think labels are intrinsically bad either; they just are what you make of them! For some, it’s relieving to stick to an identity, to know that they are “normal” and not alone. It’s important to see their experiences represented in the media and across society.
People don’t generally have a problem when gays or lesbians want this representation. Barriers are being broken nowadays, with the general population becoming more accepting of same-sex marriage. Gay culture is being commercialised and it’s almost becoming trendy for shows to have a token queer character. Sadly, these privileges mostly extend to cisgender gays & lesbians. The existence of bisexuals and pansexuals is constantly erased; almost none of the television characters, or even celebrities, that have had relationships with multiple genders openly admit to their orientation. It’s as though they are ashamed, as though their only way to be respected is to outright reject their identity. But how does that help the young boy who wants an out & proud reflection of himself on his favourite show? The confused teenage girl who identifies with Kristen Stewart’s attraction to guys & girls, but feels alienated by her claim that she “lives in ambiguity”?
Influential people in the media claiming you “just have to do your thing” often just seems like a convenient way to brush over issues of sexuality. Nothing obliges them to disclose their identity to anyone, as they don’t owe the public their personal life. But if they personally decide to reject labels, they must also respect that they can be a good thing to some. When they criticise the use of certain terms for boxing you in, they imply others can define all of you by how you yourself define your own attraction. I think I should be able to label myself however I want without that determining who I am. I should be able to choose a sexual identity without others seeing me as nothing but this identity. And if everyone who isn’t monosexual (attracted to one sex or gender only) simply refuses to acknowledge any labels, this progress in terms of visibility and acceptance will never come.
I hope one day there will be no need for labels at all, but unfortunately that day is not today. When the time does come this will apply to everyone equally. It’s paradoxical that a rejection of labels is only encouraged for non-monosexual identities; that in itself differentiates between two different types of attraction and promotes the erasure of one group only! In the end, the sentiment expressed by many bi/pan characters & celebrities is correct – you do you, regardless of everything. But there is no harm at all if you doing you involves finding a home in an existing community, or if a label frees you instead of restricting you.
