I know the feeling; the feeling of stagnancy and ineptitude. That self-loathing that you just can’t seem to shake. The mini panic attacks residing in a compilation of words – “Am I good enough?” “Will I make something of myself?”- or Instagram posts thrust upon us by our seemingly more “put-together” former classmates. There’s nothing worse than the thought that you’re, in the words of my mother, “floundering.” But for all of those who have yet to embrace their confusion and lack of direction, worry not, because this, my love, will be the best time of your life.
It took me a while to write this first sentence. I wasn’t sure what to say, and I wasn’t sure if what I was going to say was going to be good enough. I chose Journalism as my desired major on every college application I held my breath and sent off, but I often question whether or not I’m even good at that, the one thing I’m best at. I’m not saying that I feel alone in feeling that way, in fact I know I’m not alone. So this for the ones who have chosen to follow the path that is put in front of them, the ones with no plans, or the ones whose life didn’t exactly work out in the way they had initially planned it. We’re the Lost Ones.
Doe-eyed, and bushy tailed we planned our lives while coloring outside the lines in our coloring books. I’m sure some of you, like me, planned to be the future Meredith Grey, or a princess, or even a cashier at a supermarket. We made our parents buy us the all the items necessary to fulfill these dreams: in my case it was the Fisher Price Medical Kit complete with a stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, and thermometer. On the weekdays, we presented our future dreams and goals at Career Day in preschool, completely ignorant to the reality of what we so excitedly shared with our classmates, and on the weekends, we gave our family members a daily checkup, a fashion show equipped with princess-worthy ball gowns, or a mobile grocery store brought straight to the living room.
We grew up a little bit and changed our minds. Talking with our friends in our rooms after school, we dreamt of being an actress, POTUS, or a future Taylor Swift. We began studying really hard, or picked up singing and acting lessons. Still somewhat doe-eyed, but more aware of the journey to our dreams, we ventured into our futures with our heads held high.
We entered high school, and were grilled with questions about our future: “What do you want to study?” “Where are you applying?” “Where do you see yourself in 5 years…10 years?” Our reality suddenly became surreal, and the pressure and anxiety began to settle in. We threw ourselves into our studies…or didn’t…and we hoped all the time spent learning shit we’d never use in real life (ahem….the imaginary number “i”, or the year of the Watergate scandal – don’t get me wrong, I love history…but is that really necessary to know?) paid off, and we’d be left with a hefty scholarship offer from our dream school. We applied to schools all over the country because the least cool thing we could possibly think of was living home with mom and dad while everyone else got to live out their college experience at least 30 miles away from home. Finally it was over. The lockers cleaned out, graduation right around the corner. Everyone excited about their future lives at name-brand schools…and then there’s you.
You are the one unsure of your life after graduation. Either you’re going to school, but have no idea what it is you want to study, or maybe you’re not going to school, or could it be that, like me, you ended up in a place completely opposite of where you thought you’d be…your life not exactly panning out to be what young you pictured. You’re depressed, confused, and angry because everyone else seemingly has their lives figured out. I was there. I know the amount of times you cursed your parents, your school guidance counselors, and yourself for not trying harder, or not having the money to support your doe-eyed dream. I know the stress of not feeling good enough, because if you WERE good enough, you’d be at your dream university right now, wouldn’t you? I spent so many nights wracking my brain about what I had done wrong, where I had made a wrong turn, what I could have tried harder in, but then I realized that life has a funny way of working things out, and the best way to find yourself and your place is to follow the path that life leads you on. Although you may run into a few bumps in the road, it is impossible for you to remain there forever. I know you, you’re me, and we can make it through the trials and tribulations thrown our way.
We are the lost ones, and if you told me seven months ago that I’d be attending a community college and working two jobs, I’d laugh and tell you that you were crazy. But, here I am. I am happier than ever. I promise that being lost isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you. Yes, the structure is comforting, but also borderline monotonous. These are the best years of our lives, and that is no bullshit. We’re young, wild, and free, so shouldn’t our journey be just that? I am not telling you to get lost, nor am I telling you that if you do have structure then your life is boring. I am simply saying that being lost is exhilarating and fulfilling. There is such a misconception about teenagers who are lost, and that stigma must be broken. You took a detour on the way to what is destined for you. So be adventurous, courageous, and resilient. Do not take this journey for granted. You were given this opportunity because destiny believes that you’re too rebellious, and too creative to be stuck with the same everyday routine, so don’t think of this as a burden. This is your road to many ineffable things. Be adventurous. Be courageous. Be resilient. Embrace the lost. It looks good on you.
