Have you ever been in a group of friends or even a pair of friends that you are close with, but feel left out or just feel like you don’t belong? This article is for written just for you.
If there is one area of relationships that I am a pro at is being the third wheel or fifth wheel or how many odd number wheel I am. I do have close friends that I connect with in different ways; some I connect because we have the same ethnicity/cultural background, some I connect with primarily due to the fact that we have the same classes together, and others because we share the same type of humour and same hobbies and interests. The problem isn’t that I don’t connect with them or don’t put an effort with them; the problem is I feel like a third wheel regardless of how many friends I am are surrounded by.
I have been in countless situations where I can be hanging out with my friends, just socializing together and having fun, and then there’s this moment where I feel left out maybe due to an inside joke that was said or just body language. And it stings; worse than a bee sting.
Most of my friendships have been in group settings where some people are naturally closer and that’s fine. The situation for me personally is feeling like the third wheel where no one really pays attention to me and focus’ more on the people that they are closer with. In those situations after years and years of practice, I shut down those feelings and numb that emotion to help me focus more on the actual relationship than my own personal feelings.
It is extremely hard to have relationships with people and feel like they don’t value you as much as you value you or don’t show their love and appreciation for you as well as you do. It isn’t those situations where my friends don’t value me at all; I personally feel like they don’t value our friendship as well I do. For example, I can value our friendship as a solid 8 but they can value it as a 6 or 6.5. At first, I thought it was because I wasn’t putting an effort in as I should, but after some thought, I really analyzed and realized I am the third wheel when it comes to friendships. But maybe it isn’t that they don’t value me, they just are closer with other people and like I’ve already stated, that’s perfectly fine; it’s just gives me an unflattering feeling.
Being the third wheel in friendships is worse than being a third wheeler in relationships believe me. You don’t know if you should leave the two friends or the other friends alone or stay and try your hardest to be acknowledged as a person. You get bored really quick and basically end up with your own thoughts. What it has taught me is 1. Not everyone will value the same friendship as you do and 2. You have to be able to stand on your two feet because in the real world, you really only have yourself to rely on and trust 110%.
This piece isn’t a shame piece to those friends who might see this one day, but more of an explanation of how I feel. Saying these words to them face to face is harder, but this helps me to put more thought into those friendships and also to those who are the ‘third wheel’ in your friendships as well. Maybe one day we third wheels can get together and create a ‘third wheel’ club and we will try extra hard not to make others feel like one.
