I Am Tired of Being The Minority Friend

You know that feeling, when the sidewalk only has space for 2 people and you’re the third friend? That’s what it feels like to be the minority friend. Across the western world, too many suffer from this condition; they are made to restrict themselves into doing stereotypical white activities such as: listening to the Mamma Mia Soundtrack, discussing the cookie cutter standard of beauty that mediocre white men possess and eat unseasoned food (this is all from personal experience).

Coming from a particularly mixed school, I was always stuck with the white people who needed that one minority friend who didn’t want to be called racist due to the lack of diversity in their group, from the prime age of 11 – I was pretty much clueless at the time. So as the years came by, I started realizing the sad truth. I was being used as a prop; if they were being called racist, they’ll simply say my name as if it was an excuse for their ignorant comments. It was tiring at first since my single Filipino mum wasn’t as lenient as their rich, upper class white parents- so sleepovers, late-night parties and travelling alone all concluded with a big, fat “no” in my household.

Asking me, an Asian girl with a strict upbringing, if I could go to a sleepover as a pre-teen could either go two ways:

1. I will need at least 14 business days to even ask my mother in which she will ask the following questions: What’s their name and address? Who are their parents? Does the father live at home? Do they have older brothers? What’s their parents’ numbers?
2. A big, fat, already pre-decided-before-I-asked: NO.

I definitely embraced this decision by my mother now compared to when I was a child. It was understandable, since migrating to a country you’re unfamiliar with as a parent could definitely go wrong if not dealt with properly. I’m certainly more educated on the struggles that my single mother faced while bringing her children to London.

Another situation I am most commonly in is when the topic of racism is brought up. A particular news story may be related to race and just hearing the uneducated comments from your closest friends can sometimes cause you the friendship itself. “Oh they definitely deserved that!” “The police are just doing their jobs!” “Why can’t white people say the N word?!” “We suffer too because of our race!” are just some of the phrases I hear when racism is discussed. I know, it’s tragic.

The awkwardness that lingers after you state something that can be deemed as controversial such as “reverse racism is non-existent” or “white privilege is real” is definitely one of the worst parts – especially when no one is agreeing with you. This may be because they know it’s true and refuse to speak upon it but I definitely know that moments after I mention such topics, it is swiftly changed into something irrelevant.

These are just a few of the symptoms that this condition provides a person of colour – it’s definitely a few of the most common ones. So to all the people suffering from this condition called “the Minority Friend” or have it as their permanent job, it will get better and I’ll pray for you. Remember to never be afraid to speak your mind, as it is the most powerful action you could always do in the midst of denial by your closest friends.