Someone has probably told you this a million times. Whether you’ve seen it on your aunt’s Facebook or written inside cheesy advice columns, you are no stranger to it. Maybe you even roll your eyes or cringe at its presence, and you probably disregard its message since it constantly appears when you reach out to your parents for insight, or your friends for comfort. Although I might drive you into insanity by repeating the quote that your high school guidance counsellor would use, listen to what I’m saying as if these words are unknown to you: never compare yourself to others.
I want you to reflect on who you are. Or not so much on who you are, but how you perceive yourself. If you realize that you are only able to view yourself in a negative light, do not immediately begin to wallow in your self hatred. Although it’s the easier road to embark on, there is no doubt that conquering your troubles is a better idea than to let them linger.
It is now important to figure out why your self esteem is awfully low. I cannot summarize every single confidence issue that people struggle with, but in this example, let’s say that you believe you are dumb. Before I go ahead and say “Oh, you’re not dumb!”, and before you then reply “Yeah, alright” in a sarcastic tone, it is vital that we dig deep into the reason why you take on this view of yourself in order for it to evolve into a more positive light. There may be many factors: your teachers bombard you with speeches on how you need to study more or your peers may ace every essay when you’re stuck with a solid D. Maybe you just feel less informed and educated than those you follow on Twitter who seem specialized in knowledge about politics when you can only name one president. I’ve experienced these dilemmas. As an aspiring writer who does well in English class, I have always contained an ounce of jealousy for my classmates who are praised by my teacher for getting outrageously high marks when I am stuck with, well, just a high-ish mark. I’ve sometimes encountered insecurities when reading the tweets of those around my age, who have wisdom on everything from climate change to ecofeminism while my mind feels rather empty and blank.
Another struggle that many teenagers undergo is the belief that they are not physically attractive. Of course, your appearence does not epitomize who you are and everyone is more than what they look like, but in our world it is unfortunate to say that lots of people turn to basing their opinion on someone using their outside image. So, why do you feel this way? Is it because all of your friends are spending their Friday night out with their partner while you’re sitting at home binge watching Netflix? Is it because you’ve never had someone crush on you? Is it because the girls and/or boys in your grade get hundreds of likes on their selfies and your average is much lower? Once again I have grown immune to some of these scenarios. I have felt sadness when glancing into the mirror and noticing my acne when I see girls at my school with no makeup that look flawless. I have felt loneliness when gazing at cute couples holding hands while walking through the hallways while I’m only holding my binder. It sounds like a superficial and ridiculous thing to even consider a problem, but with the one dimensional definition of beauty that people have internalized, it can be difficult to find your place.
It is crucial to note that every one of these insecurity battles are rooted from the idea that in order to achieve happiness, you must meet a certain standard. If I want to be a successful author, I have to impress my English teacher every time I put my hand up to analyze the novel we were given to read. If I want to be in a relationship, I have to obtain a specific appearence so I can attract someone physically and emotionally. Comparing yourself to the kid who receives the best report card in your grade or the the kid who gets the most party invites is a direct way of throwing yourself into a bout of low self-esteem. This state of mind will not offer you any help in terms of bettering yourelf, and will only bring more negativity. Instead of acting like somebody else, embrace your individuality and express your raw and genuine being. Cherish who you are and how you can impact others in ways that nobody else can.
