“You’re Pretty For a Black Girl” Is Not a Compliment

I was incredibly insecure in junior high school. I thrived off of the acknowledgement of others, whether it was positive or negative. Everything that was said about me, I took to heart. Luckily, I had a group of friends, most of whom were considered “emo”. At my school, there were only about two “emo” black girls, including myself. There were things that I was told as a young black girl by these friends that, at the time, were some of the nicest things anyone could tell me.

1. “You act so white.” – I’ve addressed this in a previous article, and I’ll say it again (for the people in the back). Just because we don’t fit your image of what a black person should be, that doesn’t mean our race has changed. My behavior doesn’t determine my race.
2. “You’re so quiet for a black girl.” – No, I’m just quiet. The only reason you feel the need to add “for a black girl” to the end is because the media has fed you that the only thing a black woman can be is loud and “ratchet”, but now that you’ve read this I trust you won’t make the same mistake of inaccurately believing silence is only possible for a certain race.
3. “You’re my favorite black person” – I hope you can see the problem with this without me having to explain.
4.  “I’m not racist, I have a black friend.” – I know this isn’t really an intended compliment, but I always believed that someone thinking of me as a friend as an automatic compliment so I’ll include this as well. You’re still racist.
5.  “You’re pretty for a black girl.” – Can I just be pretty? For once in my life can I just be pretty? Why am I only pretty when compared to another black girl? Why are you continuously holding black girls to these toxic eurocentric standards of beauty? Black girls are beyond pretty; they’re gorgeous, magical, incredible human beings. Black women deserve every shred of respect they are not being given.

In case you thought these were compliments, I’m here to let you know that, they aren’t. These are hazardous sayings that can scar someone. They won’t even realize it; I didn’t even realize it. It was engraved into my brain and I blindly tried my best to conform to eurocentric beauty standards just so I could continue to hear these compliments. I tried my best to grow smaller, to be your fun-sized token black girl. If you still consider those compliments then please, keep your compliments to yourself.